It's been one year.
One year since my heart shattered into the tiniest shards of broken feelings.
And time has passed so rapidly.
I have no time to process, no time to breathe.
But I remember that day as if it were yesterday.
It's ironic that I still watch the exact same TV show that I binged that day.
I was binging something light-hearted, to take my mind off the scars that had formed fresh in my heart.
I recall listening to the most romantic music, each word giving me a glimmer of hope.
That could've been us one day.
Yet that beacon has passed.
I still wallow in the same mellow songs that exposed my cracks.
I was debating whether I should confess for the longest time.
It was my friends who gave me that final push to open myself into the unknown.
I was just as confused as you, I thought it was requited.
We always used to maintain eye contact.
Whenever we saw eachother, nothing could ever turn us away.
The amount of times you laughed at my corny jokes was beyond infinity.
It felt like we could've been more than friends.
So I called you, my hands trembling with fear.
As soon as you answered, I knew it was out of my control.
I had to say something.
From there, things became distorted.
But I still remember your reply.
The power of "ok".
Still, we remained friends.
That witty dynamic of our friendship inevitably returned, whenever we talked.
I now know things are better platonically, but how I felt one year ago suggested otherwise.
I became lifeless, no one could change my disposition.
I lay there, dejected and emotionless.
All I could sense was guilt, that I had put HIM in this place of panic.
I was preoccupied with how HE was handling this while I let myself crumble into inscrutable oblivion.
The worst thing was the everlasting agony I endured.
A sharp throbbing in my chest.
All of the memories..
They were lies, I was deceived.
It was never real.
Was I fooling myself this whole time?
It took me a while to succumb to the fact that things didn't go as expected.
But what DID I expect, truly?
The past cannot be defined by present speculations.
Looking back at this a year later has made me realise that I am still here.
I experienced this mess, yet I still exist in this world.
Many positive things have happened since then.
New friends, new recollections.
And he is still in my life.
So who won, really?
The overwhelming satisfaction of getting through this is empowering.
This experience has given me an
Eternal Flame.
(This is a bonus part, commending the 1 year anniversary since I confessed. And I am nothing but PROUD of myself.)
