The Gamble, Book 3

Chapter 11

Soundtrack: Broken by Seether vs Amy Lee

Payton

I was so nervous I felt sick, physically sick as my stomach swirled. I tried to eat before I left, but the nausea was too much, so I only ended up having a slice of toast, that I ate in small nibbles before I left.

Yesterday when he called...when I heard his voice, my heart began to hurt in a way it hadn't in so long. It was a pain of want, longing and need but knowing what my heart screamed so desperately for could not be.

I'd missed him so much more than I'd realized. Hearing his voice again, it pulled everything to the front of my mind, everything good, and everything bad. Thankfully, the joys of being a musician meant I could turn that into a great riff and set of lyrics, but that was the only silver lining to it.

For me, and myself, it was hell, especially when I heard his voice brake too. Especially as I knew that by the end of the conversation, we were both crying, both of us hurting. I'd been in the studio when he called, taking a break, and retired into a small soundproof booth when I realized it was him. After we hung up, I stayed there and cried, until Lydia came in and then I cried some more as I told her.

Everything coming up to the surface, the pain, the grief, the memories, the love I still held for him, the amount I'd missed him, how much I just wanted to run to him and hold him. No matter how bad things were, when he held me, it washed everything away, if only for a second, and right now I needed that second. But this was for closure, this wasn't to reunite, this was so we could put the past behind us and leave it where it belonged, so we could know exactly how the other felt and where we went wrong.

What happened after that was unknown. I wanted to say it would mean we could put it behind us and find our way back to each other, but I couldn't get my hopes up for that. Either way, we needed the closure so with, or without, we could both be happy. I made so many mistakes, so many wrong choices, I had to give him the pieces I'd so cruelly stolen, back. He deserved that.

I text him as I stood outside the two glass double doors framed in walnut wood. It wasn't a large building, looking at the intercom, only eight apartments across three floors. He was in number four, on the first floor, and he cared to tell me not to trust the elevator.

The quiet sound of a buzzer rang through the silent evening air and I pushed the door open, looking around until I found the stairs.

My heart thumped harder and harder with each step on the cream vinyl covered stairs that led up to the first floor until I was finally at his door. A light blue painted door, with a small silver '4' on the top of it. I felt like I was going to puke as I raised my hand to knock, but before my fist could connect with the wood, the door swung open.

My heart hammered a single, hard beat before skipping and returning to its previous quick, but gentle bursts. The breath caught in my throat as I saw those hazel eyes I adored so much with small bags under them. His almost black hair was a little longer and less tame than when I last saw him, but still in the same style he'd held all those years ago. His stubble was a little longer too, but not too much, that sort of length that would be soft to touch, and made me desperately want to run my fingers through it.

His t-shirt hugged his muscles perfectly. He wasn't as muscular as he used to be, or as the night I left, but they were still there never the less. Black combat shorts, a standard for Reid in the hot June weather. Overall, despite the small difference, he was still Reid, and right now, it took every single ounce of strength I had not to throw myself at him, crash my lips to his perfect, full, dark pink lips and tell him we could just forget it all. Because we couldn't just forget it all. Too much had happened for that.

"Payton..." He breathed heavily. Both of us just stood there looking at each other, dazed.

"Hey." That's the most I squeaked out as I tried to find my voice.