Written in the Water

Five

𝕳𝖔𝖒𝖊

I entered the snow colored room feeling numb. On the hospital bed, the man I despised all these years laid. I still love him just the same. It was only covered with something dark, but it was there. I slowly sat on the chair next to his bed.

He looks old.

I examined his pale face, his looks changed a lot. There's no hint of a brutal and terrifying man I used to know. He seems frail and vulnerable.

I cried.

Unlike those years ago, my tears are not because of pain but it was because I've realized I don't have to hold on to this heaviness in my heart anymore. My tears somehow washes all the hate in me leaving me finally clean.

"Dad....." I choked. "I forgive you for all the pain you've caused us. I forgive you for making us despise you. I forgive you for everything you've done. I'm so sorry for abandoning you, sorry that we're not there when you needed us." Not able to contain it anymore I put my head between my hands and cry my heart out. I suddenly felt slender hands on my shoulder I looked up and my eyes connected with the wrinkled and dull eyes of the man I have abhorred and love. "Dad..." I said in an inaudible voice.

"Allison, is that really you?" He asked with difficulty. He held my hand and stared at me still not believing, like I was just an apparition that will disappear if he blinks.

"Yes dad, it's me, it's Alice."

"Oh my dear daughter, my Allison, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please believe me, I'm really sorry." He released a loud cry while looking at my hand and put it close to his cheeks. "The decisions you've made weren't wrong, I pushed you both away. You proved that you're strong, you faced the world alone and brave in which I should've guided and protected you. However, I didn't do my responsibilities to you and your brother. I'm a coward! When you're mother died I got scared, I don't want to face this world without her in it. I just don't know how to. I was so lost, I didn't know what to do. She was the love of my life. I have always blamed myself. That if I only have the money, I was able to give her the life she deserves, the life all of you deserved. I should have been able to afford her medications, if only I could maybe she wouldn't hide her condition. I failed her, I failed you and your brother." My father and I cried brokenly. In the memory of my mother and all the hurt we've inflicted each other.

I finally understood.

"It's not your fault, dad. That's just how mom was always so enduring and kind. I know deep in my heart she'd been happy, she loved you so much. For us it's not money that matters but the love and care we have for each other. It's family that matters dad." I hiccupped. "Dad, we can't change what happened in the past. Then again it's already in the past so that's where we should let it be, let's leave it all behind. Let's fix our family again Joseph, me and you. I know wherever mom is now that's what she would want too. Let's start again, we have to let go of everything that keeps us stuck on yesterday in order to move forward. Let's build our happy family again dad." I believe that when one chapter ends it doesn't mean that the whole story ends with it instead you have to leave it behind and initiate to the next chapter. It bears a resemblance to life no matter how many times we get knocked-up doesn't mean we already lose the battle, we have to get up and fight as long as we're alive the battle is not over, we just have to be strong.

"Really, Allison? You're forgiving me and willing to start all over again after everything I've done?"

"Yes, I'm willing to take the risk."

"Guess, I'm willing to take the risk too." My head turned to my brother whose standing on the doorstep wiping his eyes. He strolled to our direction before speaking. "You're right sis, we have to learn how to forgive and forget. Dad, it's true it's not too late for us to start a new life." I smiled at him. I looked heavenward thanking God for this moment.

My feet hit the grass I breathed the fresh air in and looked up at the bright blue sky. After a week at the hospital the doctor let my father go home. I stood in front of our old house. The very same place I promised not to set foot again, and yet here I am in the place where my childhood memories were built. And I'll take all of it, good and the bad.

I know that this will be the start of all good things. I feel more determined to face life's challenges. I feel even stronger to fight battles that I will meet half way. I don't want to be too optimistic but I'm just so happy. I know that there's still much to do. There are parts of house that needs fixing. The lawn need to be kept. Joseph's studies and dad's treatment. I will find a way through all of it. I will not let them down. I smiled to myself.

Mom. I still miss her. Wherever she is right now I could only hope that she's happy and at peace. I promise that I will take care of my brother and dad for as long as I live because I know that's what she will want. I will keep the three of us together whatever the cost.

I heave a contented sigh before going inside. From this day on everything will be brighter.

Finally... I am home.

N: NOT PROOFREAD.