#47

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when I woke up the next morning, I barely got to open my eyes before my phone started going off. I didn't remember putting on any alarm. I grabbed my phone from my nightstand, and looked at it.
I had apparently missed three calls from Hongjoong.
I quickly called him back.
- Sungyeon! You have to help us. sos? It's s.o.s right?
He said immediately as he answered the call.
I didn't know what he was talking about, and I was a little mad at him.
- why didn't you tell me Mingi didn't have his phone? You made me think he didn't want to talk to me at all.
I said.
- oh... right.
He said, and laughed awkwardly.
- I'm not mad.. I'm just happy he wasn't actually upset with me.
I said.
- no he just had to focus on you know... his career. You do know he has a career, don't you.
Hongjoong said.
- you're not funny.
I said.
- I can feel you glaring at me through the phone.
Hongjoong said, and laughed.
- you're so right.
I said.
- I'm sorry, I was just so busy.
Hongjoong said.
- also.. please don't break my wrist or something like that.
He continued.
What was that supposed to mean? Why would he think that? It was really weird, because I remembered hurting Kyungs wrist when I was younger. But I didn't break it, did I?
- Hongjoong... can you just tell me what you said was so urgent?
I asked him, and laughed.
- oh, right. I need you to come to our dorm.
He said.
- sure, I can come over later.
I said.
- no, you have to come now.
He said.
- is something wrong?
I asked him.
- seonghwa won't get out of bed, and he only wants to talk to you.
He said.
- what happened?
I asked him.
- he sort of fell on stage. And it was live..
He answered.
- oh, did he hurt himself?
I asked.
- yeah, but he's mostly just really disappointed in himself.
He answered.
- I'll come over right away.
I said.

I felt so bad for Seonghwa. He wasn't really that easily upset, so it must be  bad.
I got to the Ateez dorm as fast as I could. i just walked inside, not bothering to nock. Because I knew they all hated the fact that they had to walk all the way to the hallway to open the door. It was pretty lazy, but I could relate.
I almost walked straight into Mingi, making me almost scream because I got so startled.
- oh, I didn't know you would come here so early.
Mingi said.
- I'm not here for you.
I told him.
I know I was being rude again, but Mingi had promised me that he wasn't going to ignore me like that again, and he still did it. ... But I wasn't really mad. I just had to check in on seonghwa first. And it was sort of funny messing with Mingi because it made him frown and it was really cute.
- why.. are you here then?
Mingi asked me.
- seonghwa wanted me to come see him.
I said.
- of course he did.
Mingi said, and sighed.
- you really want to do this now?
I asked him.
- I'm not trying to start a fight, Sungyeon.
Mingi said, and tried to hug me.
- don't.
I told him.
- please don't be mad.
He said.
- I'm not mad.
I said.
- you seem mad.
He said.
- even if I was mad.. I still love you.
I said, and rolled my eyes.
- I love you too.
Mingi said, and smiled.

- do you guys realize we're all sitting right here?

I hadn't actually noticed that almost everyone in Ateez was sitting on the couch behind us.
- we're trying to have a moment here.
Mingi said.
- yeah, shut up.
I told them.

I went to Seonghwa's room, and closed the door behind me.
- seonghwa.. are you ok?
I asked him.
He was laying in bed, with his back towards me. I had never seen him so upset before. He just seemed so.. tired, like he had given up.
- no.
He just said, without turning around.
Was he really not going to look at me?
- you saw it too, didn't you?
He asked me.
- I don't watch music shows.
I said.
- that doesn't really make me feel better.
He said, and sighed.
- Fine, I'll watch your performances from now on.
I said, and laughed.
- no don't do that.
He said, and finally turned around.
- will anything make you happy?
I asked him, and rolled my eyes.
- I know what will.
He said, and smirked.
- Seonghwa...
I said.
- sorry.
He said.
- it's ok.
I said, and sighed.
- it's just that... you're really special.
He said.
- that sort of sounds like a bad thing.
I said, and laughed.
- No..you're like a beautiful unicorn.
He said, and giggled.
... a unicorn?

- I'm sorry...I've taken a couple of painkillers and they're making me feel funny.
He said, and laughed awkwardly.
- unicorns are scary.
I said.
- Fine, you're a beautiful... sloth?
He asked me.
- you have to stop saying these things to me.
I said.
- I know, I'm sorry.
Seonghwa said, and frowned.
- but I do love sloths.
I said.
- I knew you would.
He said, and laughed.
- now can you get over yourself?
I asked him.
- what?
He asked me.
- You have to stop feeling bad for yourself and get out of bed.
I answered.
- no, I'm depressed.
He said.
- you're not depressed.
I said.
- how can you know that?
He asked me.
- because I want to set my parents on fire and then jump in front of a bus, but... I'm still not depressed.
I said.
I didn't actually mean that, but I wasn't that good at coming up with things.
- I'm scared now.
He said, making me laugh.
- but did it help?
I asked him.
- A little.
He answered.
- now get out of bed. You're better than this.
I said.
- No I'm not.
He said.
- I'll hit you in the chest again.
I said.
Seonghwa quickly got out of his bed.
Wow, threatening people really does work.
- I'm up.
Seonghwa said, and moved so close to me that when I took a step back, my back got pressed up against the wall. He moved even closer to me. Then he grabbed my face.
Not this again.
- I love you... sloth.
He said, and laughed. Then he let go of my face, and walked out of his room.
This is the second time he's told me he loves me. Would he ever stop? Because it was making me so confused. and I didn't know what to feel about the fact that I could make him happy again that easily.

I walked out of seonghwa room, and when I got to the living room, San and Wooyoung started clapping.
- uhm... thanks?
I said.
- you actually got him out of bed. That's awesome.
Wooyoung said.
- See, she's not evil at all.
San said.
What was that supposed to mean?
I didn't get to ask them about it, because Mingi suddenly appeared behind me, and put his arms around my waist.
- surprise hug, no take backs.
He said, making me laugh.
- that's not fair.
I said.
- life isn't fair.
Mingi said, making me laugh again.
- Trust me, I've known that all my life.
I said.

- I'm sure you have.
Hongjoong said, and she entered the living room. What was that supposed to mean?
Everyone was acting so weird today.
- Sungyeon.. lets just go to my room.
Mingi said.
That's a really good idea. Because everyone kept looking at me like I was an alien.
- don't close the door.
Hongjoong said, just as we had gotten inside Mingi's room. Mingi just laughed, and closed the door. Then he locked it.
- you're so bad.
I told him, and giggled.
- just come here.
Mingi said, and pulled me closer to him by my waist.
- I really missed you.
He said, and kissed my forehead.
- I missed your butt.
I said, and smirked.
- and I definitely missed your weirdness.
He said, and laughed.

We sat down on his bed, and talked for a while. I came to realize how busy idols actually could be. I hadn't worked a day since I graduated from high school, so I wasn't really an expert on how it was to actually have a job.
It seemed like Mingi wanted to tell me something, but every time he tried to tell me what it was, he stopped, and sighed. I decided to just let it go. He didn't have to tell me if he preferred not to.
- do you know why Hongjoong, Wooyoung and San are acting so weird around me?
I asked him.
- I... don't know.
He answered.
- I should just go ask them then.
I said, and got off his bed.
- no, you can't.
Mingi said, and grabbed my wrist after he got up from the bed as well.
- why not?
I asked him.
- because.. uhm.
He said, but stopped talking, and just kissed me. Then he pushed me up against the wall, and kept kissing me. Obviously I didn't mind it. It was all I had wanted to do for the past week. Not being able to be this close to him for a while, sucked.
- let's just stay here a little while longer.
He said, and kissed my neck.
Then he put his hand down my skirt.
- Mingi, you can't do that here.
I said, and laughed.
But it feels so good.
- it's ok, just be quiet.
He said, and placed his hand in front of my mouth.
- did you seriously just bite me?
it just felt weird having his hand over my mouth.
- just uhh... kiss me or something.
I said, and laughed awkwardly.

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