Love and Loss

Chapter 15

Vile was running u my throat as I desperately moved to kneel over the toilet. Barely anything came up since I never ate today. After I could no longer throw up anymore I flushed the toilet. I sat there on the floor, no longer caring if I got dirty and started to think. The more I thought the more the panic set in.

'Am I- no, no I cant be...its possible.'

Before I could think about the subject any further, the bell rang. I quickly got up off the ground and decided to think about this later.

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It was now Friday, the day me and Amanda (Mostly Amanda) decided that Friday is the best day to hang out. She decided that we could hang out at the mall. The mall we were going to also had a small pharmacy in it so I decided then and there, that I would come to my senses and by a pregnancy test. I just had to hide it in my bag as soon as I buy it so no one would see it.

Later that day once school was over and I was at my locker I could hear the steps of high heels walking towards me. I turned around and saw it was Amanda. She was smiling at me. Without saying anything she grabbed my hand and pulled me away from my locker and started walking towards the enterance of the school. "Cmon im so excited to hang out with you! I cant wait." She said. I wasn't sure what to say so I just smiled in return.

When we arrived at the mall in Amanda's car, she parked and we walked out and into the mall. Amanda instantly started walking to one of the clothes stores, I stopped her in her tracks. "Um you can go on ahead, I have to get something real quick, ill be back soon." I said to her. She looked at me with a emotionless face and suddenly smiled. "Okay, Ill be shopping for clothes." She said to me. She started walking into the clothes store while I stood still for a few seconds.

Im really doing this aren't I? Im really going to buy a pregnancy test.

I let out a deep sigh and starting walking to the pharmacy. I felt myself body start to heat up in nerves, I felt myself starting to sweat underneath my black hoodie, my pale hands feeling clampy, the bags under my eyes very prominent against my pale skin from the lack of sleep from the past few nights. Everytime I looked in the mirror I thought I looked like a ghost. As soon as i entered the pharmacy i walked into the isle with pregnancy tests. I quickly grabbed one luckily there was no one else in the pharmacy so i quickly walked up to the pharmasicts and placed it down on the counter and i didnt make eye contact with the pharmasicts. Without even looking at them i knew they were looking at me with disgust. Once i finished paying i grabbed the pregnancy test and quickly shoved it in my pocket and speed walked out of the pharmacy.

I walked into the same clothes store that Amanda had walked into and looked around for her but ended up not finding her. 

I wasnt gone for that long was I? 

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and looked to see if maybe she sent me something and saw a text. 'Hey something came up i had to leave, sorry maybe we can go out another time instead!' It read. It was from Amanda.  

What? 

I sighed and decided to take a walk around the mall instead. Honestly i coudnt care less that she left, i only really agreed to hang out so i could go buy the test. Me and Amanda may have been friends before but that was the past.

My thoughts started to wander as i walked around the mall.

What if i really am pregnant, what am i supposed to do? I cant just abort but i cant keep the baby either once its born, if i did the baby would live in the same house as mother, i dont want it to have the same life i have.

I decided to just leave the mall and head home to face the reality.