Broken Strings

Happy

"Maanav." I warned.

"This is the only place where those idiots cannot find us and we can discuss about your condition. I found it last week"

We were at the abandoned building back of our college which was rumored to be haunted. It is true that no one will find us here.

"What is it you want now?" I asked him irritated.

"Look here. I wrote down some basic emotions that a person can feel in his day to day life and their meanings. Find the ones which you relate to the most." He said and handed me the book.

Admiration

Adoration

Aesthetic Appreciation

Amusement

Anxiety

Awe

Awkwardness

Boredom

Calmness

Confusion

Craving

Disgust

Empathetic pain

Entrancement

Envy

Excitement

Fear

Horror

Interest

Joy

Nostalgia

Romance

Sadness

Satisfaction

Sexual desire

Sympathy

I flipped through the pages and stopped at one.

Fear

Fear is a powerful emotion that can also play an important role in survival. When you face some sort of danger and experience fear, you go through what is known as the fight or flight response. Your muscles become tense, your heart rate and respiration increase, and your mind becomes more alert, priming your body to either run from the danger or stand and fight. This response helps ensure that you are prepared to effectively deal with threats in your environment.

Expressions of this type of emotion can include:

Facial expressions such as widening the eyes and pulling back the chin

Attempts to hide or flea from the threat

Physiological reactions such as rapid breathing and heartbeat

Maanav leaned in to look at the page I was gazing.

"Fear. What about it?"

"Mom loves you, Jay. I will never let them hurt you."

"Is there something you fear? Jay? Jay!"

"What? No. I mean I can feel this one. And this one too. Anger. Nostalgia, if that is what it means. Horror, interest, confusion, boredom and amusement. Sometimes. Maybe. Very rarely."

"What about sympathy? You did save me that day."

"Feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune. Understanding between people; common feeling. I guess so. But this one looks new."

Empathy:

the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner

I showed him the page.

"So you feel it?" He asked taking the book from me.

I shook my head.

"Definite no. I do not know to what extent my emotions go, forget about others."

"But if we think about it, you did feel certain sense of empathy towards me every time I got bullied. You said so yourself. That I reminded you of you in your past. "

"I still don't see the point of this conversation right now."

"What I am trying to say is that, I have your hospital records. The one that was taken after you are rescued from the fire. I bribed from the orphanage warden and they all show that your health is perfect. Meaning that you are not born with this syndrome. That means its all in your head. But the thing is you do not remember anything before this incident. Even this fire accident. You barely gave any testimony after you came out of the fire. So you lost your memory and developed this disease right after that accident that we have no specific details about. But what I have noticed is that you are slowly spreading this up. It started out with just pain and now you can barely feel any of the basic emotions."

"It was trauma, Maanav. Look at the reports. It clearly says that I lost my memory because of the trauma of that incident."

"I agree to that. But what trauma lasts so long. You must be remembering something right now. Maybe getting those memories will give us the key to end this disease."

"I think you are watching too many detective shows lately. And what are you, a doctor? You do not even know how my syndrome means fully."

"But-"

"Stop thinking too much about it. The fire was caused by some electrical short circuit and I was able to survive because I was under the bed while it happened which was kind of away from the vicinity of the fire. There is nothing more to it."

..

"What are you thinking about?" I asked Maanav as I handed him the coffee mug.

"Swecha."

"What about her?"

"Just. She never looked the kind that was close to anyone in her family and the way her brother acted around her, avoiding her mere presence. It was... I don't know, sad. He was her father though, even though they barely knew each other."

"I think she is grieving for a past they could have had if everything was good. A relationship she never got to build with him."

He nodded.

"So."

"What?"

"You two have been sleeping together."

"Yes."

"That was your typical way of brushing things away. But, I am curious. Are you two dating now or something? "

"No."

"But you-"

"Maanav, I can barely feel any kind of empathy towards a person and much less emotions like love, admiration and others. It will end very badly if I ever try to get into a relationship with anyone. I can end up hurting that person just because it does not hurt me."

"You will-"

"I beat up all the kids of the orphanage just because it didn't hurt me and that was an easy way to keep them away from me. I even once poured acid from our chemistry lab on your wrist because I didn't know it hurts back in high school. I do not even want to imagine the consequences of what might happen if someone decides to come as close as you want her to."

He was quite for a while and then whispered slowly.

"I thought she made you happy."

"I do not even know when I might stop feeling this happiness you talk about."