The Golden Bond

Chapter 7

When I returned home, my head was buzzing and I had a horrible, gnawing feeling again. Suddenly it was accompanied by a sort of dizziness, along with stomach cramps and disorientation. I had no idea how I'd driven the last mile or so on autopilot, as if something had suddenly fogged my mind. I was pretty anxious because I'd never experienced anything like it before. In the end the evening had only added to the misery.

It was hard work begging everyone to leave the whole Darson incident alone. It was nothing really... at least that's how my brain was trying to see it, to prevent me going totally insane.

I was so tired that I couldn't even keep my eyes open. I was too tired even to remove my make-up, which I'd always done, even after the hardest high school parties and nights out. Something had drugged me up; I just fell asleep in the middle of a thought, in granddad's old armchair in the living room.

The next morning was bad. I was forced to see all Adrian's doughnuts from yesterday again as I brought them back up in the toilet, most definitely not a pleasant sight. I wondered for a moment whether I should actually go into the shop at all or just call Wanda to go in instead of me. Wanda, my part-time employee, helps me out from time to time, or stands in for me on days like these.

At last, I managed to get back on my feet somehow and headed towards the shopping centre. I arrived just before half past nine and Adrian was already waiting for me with coffee and croissants outside the front of my shop. My stomach turned again at the sight of food.

"You're white as a sheet. What's wrong Sofia, are you all right?" Adrian asked.

"I've felt better," I replied dryly.

"What are you doing here then? Go home," he said with equal dryness.

"I can't."

Adrian shook his head. He knew it was no use arguing with me.

I staggered into the shop and dumped my stuff in the back room. I then embarked on a journey to the bakery where I begged them for a butter biscuit with green tea to help me just about get back on my feet. It took a further two hours to get into my normal working rhythm.

In the evening, I fell lifelessly into bed and immediately fell asleep. Not for long, though. It could only have been shortly after midnight when I started to dream, Darson, his dirty hands, the midnight traffic, city lights flickering through the car's windows again and him molesting me. In the dream I was screaming and reaching out, crying for help, it was as if I was voiceless – no one came to my aid. I jolted awake inhaling sharply, clenching my duvet in a frenzy. What the hell is going on?

I made myself some lemon balm tea and tried to go back to sleep. It took a long time and my eyelids closed tiredly only as dawn began outside.

This is how it continued for several days. Every night the same nightmare, then the cramps, heart thumping against my chest, headaches and a total lack of appetite. I was exhausted, completely exhausted.

Wanda was spending far more time in the shop now. I was too tired, put simply; something was wrong with me. I didn't want to go to see a doctor however. What would I tell him anyway? 'Doctor, all of a sudden, everything is wrong with me and I can't explain it'?

If Julian saw I wasn't at the shop in the morning he would stop by my place in the afternoon. His usual laughter had disappeared somewhere. I hated the way everyone was looking at me compassionately. As if I was lying on my deathbed or something. But there was nothing wrong with me! Well, almost nothing. I just didn't understand why I was so tired all the time! As if someone had sucked all the energy out of me...