Are you mine?

Chapter 20

"Think about what?" he asks.

"Nothing," I brush it off shaking my head. I'll consider Syd's invitation later.

"Okay, I know you don't want us to be seen together, but I'll be quick. Do you have plans for tomorrow?" he asks.

"Well Thursdays are usually reserved for movie nights with Tyler, but he's swamped with college application stuff, so I think my calendar is pretty clear."

"Are you looking for Tyler's replacement?" he takes a step closer, lowering his voice.

"That depends," I look up at him, "Are you volunteering?"

"Maybe," a crooked smile on his face as he leans in, "Do you want me to?"

"Maybe..." I bite the corner of my lower lip.

"Okay, this could go on forever." he cuts our back-and-forth short. "I have a plan and I think you'll like it."

"I'm intrigued Mr. Reed," I put my hands behind my back and rock back and forth on my heels.

"I'll meet you at your house after school, five o'clock. Will your parents be there?"

I shake my head.

"Sweet." he grins and I hear someone calling out my name from behind him. "I'll see you then," he whispers, stealing a quick kiss on my cheek before jogging away.

"Mads!" I hear my name being called again and see Tyler looking around for me.

"Over here!" I stand on my tiptoes and snap my fingers in the air to catch his attention.

His head turns to me, "Meet me in the car in ten!" he yells back. I give him a thumbs-up, before starting towards the parking lot, a smile on my face and my hand over my burning cheek that was just sneakily kissed.

***

"Okay, so what's the prompt?" I ask as I pace back and forth in Tyler's room. He sits at his desk, shuffling through his papers and I plop down on his bed, hanging upside down from the edge and letting the tips of my fingers touch the floor.

I've always loved Tyler's room. I've spent so much time in here with him that in a weird way it almost feels like my own. It's spacious enough, with a high vaulted ceiling, but appears smaller, partly because of its black walls, and partly due to Tyler's inability to keep it tidy. Leaving his laundry piling up in the corner, his books sprawled around all over the place, and his sheets tossed messily on the bed. I'm surprised the wooden floor is still visible. He has a large plywood wardrobe that takes up a whole wall, with sliding doors that are covered in laminated copies of the cover art for each of the goosebumps books. He keeps an acoustic guitar in the far corner, next to the window, but I haven't heard him play it in a long time.

"Tell us about a time where you had to either take a risk or stay safe. What did you do? What happened? Would you do it again?" he replies, his voice muffled as his head is buried in his hands.

"Oof, Tyler Holden taking a risk?" I ask, teasing "I'd like to see that someday."

"Hey, I take risks!" he argues, spinning in his chair to face me.

"Name one time in your life you haven't played it safe." I challenge him.

"I'm trying!" he whines, "And you're one to talk." 

"Well I'm not the one who chose the prompt, am I?" I say and he bangs his head against the desk in frustration.

"You know what your problem is Ty? You don't know what you want."

"Believe me, I know what I want," he looks at me and I raise an eyebrow at him.

"And what is that?"

He sighs, rubbing the back of his head, "I want to get out of here." 

"That's a good start," I encourage him, "What else?"

"I want to graduate, get out of this town..." he says and I make a gesture with my hands telling him to keep going, "I want to move to New York, study acting, make a career out of it, but get over my stage fright first. I want to travel the world, see new places, meet new people, learn new languages. I want to break out of this snow globe life we live in."

"You can have all of that, Ty," I say, "Who says you can't?"

"You know I can't Maddie. My whole life is planned out for me, starting next year. I'll go off to college, spend my prime years studying business management, all to come back here to this shithole to take over my dad's company. I'll buy a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, where I'll live with my trophy wife, hand-picked by my mom, and I'll have a bunch of kids that will follow the steps of my mediocre life for generations to come."

"That's not bleak," I say, kneeling down in front of him and grabbing him by the shoulders, "Look, Tyler, you're at the point in life where you finally get to choose your path. Your path. Who cares what your parents think? They had their shot at life, they made their choices. Now you have to make your own. This is your chance to break the snowglobe, but you have to do it yourself."

"Mads I-" he starts, looking down at the floor.

"No, listen," I cut him off before he can contradict me, "If you go down that road you're going to be miserable and you know it. I can't watch you do that to yourself. Now is the time to take a risk, Tyler. Because it all comes down to this. If you don't go after the things you want then you'll end up spending the rest of your life looking back, wondering if things would've been different if you had."

Tyler looks back up to meet my gaze with a muddled expression. I can practically see a million thoughts swarming around inside his head, behind his tender blue eyes. I open my mouth to finish my argument but the words get caught in my throat as he closes the distance between us and presses his mouth against mine.

He has his index finger tipping my chin up and I hold my breath, frozen in place by my confusion. My thoughts are speeding through my mind trying to make sense of what is happening and failing to figure out how to handle it, but at the slightest movement of my lips against his, Tyler pulls away abruptly.

He stares at me with wide eyes before covering his face with his hands. "Shit," he breathes.

"Ty..."

"I should not have done that," he says slowly, turning on his chair and tugging at his hair, "I should not have done that." 

"Tyler it's okay," I try to put my hand on his shoulder but he cringes away from me. "It's all right, I'm not mad," I try to reassure him.

"I think you need to go, Maddie," he says in a small voice that makes my heart ache. His back is still turned to me.

"What? No!" I refuse.

"I-I need to be alone," he stands up and I do the same as he starts leading me to his bedroom door.

"Tyler, wait! Please, we need to talk about this!" I say walking backward, stepping through the threshold without meaning to.

"I-I can't," Tyler stammers, face contorted in a helpless expression as he finally meets my eyes, "I'm sorry."

The door closes and I hear the lock click into place. 

"Tyler!" I bang my fists against the wood over and over again but it won't budge. "Tyler open up, please!" I yell, knowing that we're the only ones in the house, but he doesn't respond. All I hear is the sound of Tyler on the other side, leaning back against the door and sliding down to the floor.