No Name | Completed

Chapter 63 - Time to Face the Music

I never imagined being in this position. I went about life foolishly and naively ignoring the inevitable possibility of death, the final stage of life. And yet...here I was, being forced to face death in the face. For weeks, the doctors told us they were "cautiously optimistic," whatever that meant. Just when his recovery seemed possible, I came back to a hospital room full of crying family members. Complications had happened. His heart gave up on him.

In that moment, my world, my very life shattered around me. It crumbled, crushing me underneath the heavy weight of heartbreak and loss. I did everything in my power to keep myself together, but today, the day after my father died. I felt nothing. I was but an empty shell of nothing.

People spoke to me, asked me questions and I replied in a monotonous manner, but when my dad died, a part of me died with him.

I wasn't okay and the comfort others tried to offer me only added to the chaos. I didn't want comfort, I didn't want friends or family, I wanted Dad.

"Honey," she placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly. "Are you ready to go home?"

"No."

"Al, it's time." Jared stepped behind Mom, his eyes red and his hair in a bun at the nape of his neck.

"No," I managed to choke out as I squeezed my father's hand harder.

"Alice, he's gone," Jared reiterated.

"It's my fault," I whispered as I stared at my dad in the hospital bed. "It's my fault."

Mom hugged me from behind and cried into my hair. "No honey, no."

"I wasn't here, mom," I cried and laid my head onto his still chest. "No dad, wake up," I begged, sobs escaping me.

"Alice, stop," Jared yanked at my arm.

"Stop," Mom snapped.

"What's wrong with you?" I cried out.

"I just watched him take his last breath! Where were you?" Jared burst.

Tears began streaming down my face as I stared at my father. I left him. I left him to die.

The Ferris wheel spun and I watched as the different colors went up and over and up again. It was hypnotic really.

I lifted the plastic cup up to my mouth and took a sip of its bitter contents, wincing as it passed down my throat.

The memory was on replay, nonstop, my last moment with him made its way to the front of my mind as if my guilt wasn't enough of a reminder.

I sighed and dug my heels further into the sand.

"Happy summer," I whispered to the sunset, lifting my blue plastic cup.

Two more days left at home. Two more days in what most people call paradise...vacation. Me? The cape was somewhere on the spectrum between home and my own personal hell.

I scoot further under the umbrella when I saw him. Truth was I had been waiting for him to teach a lesson this morning. I knew he would and I wanted to at least see him one more time before I left. Even if that meant sneaking around so he didn't know I could see him.

He peeled his T-shirt over his head and threw it to the ground with his backpack, bending over to grab sunscreen. Why did I never allow myself to crush on those muscles?

With a sigh, I took another drink and leaned back on my elbows. He took his sunglasses off and grinned as the kid walked over to him. He shook hands with his parents. If I didn't know any better, the mom was giving him a once over.