Irwin (Ashton Irwin)

Every Scar.

Ashton's POV

I roll over thinking I'm gonna find my pillow- only to land on the floor and I groan from the pain and the brightness. I look around, confused as to why I'm at the hospital to begin with......

Then I blink and I remember everything that happened. Holy fuck.

Allison!

I shoot up off the ground and see Calum and Luke cuddled with each other and Michael hugging himself. All of them still asleep.

Ya know if this wasn't a serious situation then I would have taken a photo and used it as blackmail.

I sigh, running my hand through the mess I call hair. I look at my phone and notice that it's pretty early in the morning, well early to me anyway.

My phone tells me it's 9:03am right now.

I sit back down and try to get to sleep when a girl with a clipboard walks out.

She looks at her paper then looks up. "Allison Wall?"

I shoot up -tripping over my own feet at first but I manage- and run over to her, hoping for some good news.

"Yeah? How is she? Is she going to be okay?" I ask biting my lip when she looks down at her paper.

She's a small blond girl who looks like she could be snapped in two in a second. Doesn't look anything older then me or the others.

"Well, right now she's doing fine. She lost a lot of blood but she'll be fine. She just has to take it easy for the next couple days. She's asleep at the moment-" I cut her off.

"Can I still see her please?" I practically beg. Okay I do beg.

She gives me a smile and continues, "As I was saying, you can go see her, her room is 183."

I smile my thanks and run off to find her room. I push the elevator button a couple times and it's taking for ever!

I don't have fucking time for this! I groan in frustration and run to the stairs.

I run up the few flights I have and run down the hallway looking out for her room number.

180, 182, ah! 183! I take a deep breath before opening the door.

Fuck me! Is all I think as I see her hooked up to a few wires and he's very pale. I choke on a sob.

So you know what it's like to see the person you love hooked up to stuff in a hospital because they tried to hang them self?

I grab the chair next to her bed and sit down in it as the tears start to form in my eyes again.

I grab her hand and hold on to it like my life depends on it.

"God I'm so sorry Alli. I should have been there for you but I wasn't. And you tired to kill yourself god why the fuck did you think that was a good idea?! Huh?! When Calum called and told me you hung yourself, I almost died right then and there. I got here as fast as I could and they didn't tell me nothing about you till this morning when I rolled off the chair I was sleeping on and onto the floor. You're not in a coma or anything like that so I'm just talking to you while you're asleep. Hopefully you can hear me, but then again I hope not because I feel like a damn baby. Why would you try to kill yourself Allison? What on earth gave you the right idea that it's okay to kill yourself?" I rub my face with my one hand that's not holding hers.

"I feel like such an idiot for not being with you sooner, then maybe I could have stopped this." I mumble. "God I'm so stupid! Why didn't I see all the signs that this was bound to happen? Your wrists should have been a giant warning for me to watch out but no, I had to be the selfish jackass and only think about me- actually that's a lie. All I could think about was you if you want the honest to god truth." I take my hand away and stand up, pulling my hair in my hands as more tears go down my face.

"I don't deserve you Alli." I say as I fall back into the uncomfortable hospital chair. "You deserve so much better then me, but I don't know if I could stand seeing you with anyone else."

My eyes rank over every part of her beautiful face, trying to get it burned even more into my brain.

I sigh and take her hand in mine again and turn it over, cringing at the scars I see all up and down her arms.

My heart aches even more when I see fresh ones even though she promised she wouldn't, no not me she promised Luke.

I kiss every scar on her and and whisper "I love you." Every time but only loud enough for my own ears to hear and maybe a super hearing freak.

I really do love her and it took me a while to finally realize it.