PHILOPHOBIA (Book I)[Chanbaek/Baekyeol Fanfic]

im sorry for everything!

hello everyone! min here.

its been so long since i last checked my account i cant even remember when... i just read some of my works and seen some of my interactions; i've seemed to realized many things.

one thing is that i was extremely naive, sensitive and kind of ignorant as a 16 y.o.

ive seen my notes about my past crush, and god, i feel so stupid.. i absolutely hate them.
ive also noticed how my writings were heavily charged in negative thoughts. and i may have used it as a coping mechanism in the past, but seeing it now i think it's immature, selfish and triggering.

i feel like i'm a bad influence on people who may be mentally healthy, but could see aesthetic in mental issues and end up forcing themselves to be ill "too". mental issues are not pretty, theyre not an aesthetic... theyre serious problems thatmany people deal with on the daily.

as disappointing as it is, i would also like to point out how my writings lowkey fetishize gay couples into something i've had as a fantasy in my head. that's NOT okay. lgbt people go through alot in order to have their voice heard. and it's not okay for anyone to just come and use their sexuality to satisfy a silly fantasy.

i would like to add that as much as i wish to take down my books, i'm hesitant about whether people still wanna read them or not... plus reading them made me realize that i have became a somehow better individual.

now, moving on to the life update...

something i always thought and believed would never happen did actually happen, and guess what.. i'm bi. currently having slight feelings for my irl. she's absolutely cute and caring, but i'm concerned about the future since we may part ways for college.. its been on my mind alot lately and it's making me want to cry.

i'm turning 18 on 11 may, ill be an adult, i have an id and soon will get a driving lisence.. life is hectic and i wish for nothing but for it to stop or sumn idk

something even more surprising happend! my ult group is now... nct! my ult is mark lee. hes the cutest babie ever T____T
thats it yay

uhm okay bye