Back to You

Ch.24

Elliot had turned the water on as hot as it would go and let the steam fill the room. The three years he spent away from her he had used to better himself, making changes in himself. She was right;  he wasn't the same person he was back then. He had worked so hard to get to the point that he was but it was still easier for him to revert back to what was most comfortable.

His father wasn't an open person and that was a trait he had gotten from him.  Always being told to be a man or to toughen up, to quit acting like a baby and grow up, it really wore on him. When he got older he realized that it was easier to live his life being cold and closed off, always keeping people at a safe distance because they would never get close enough to hurt him. That was one of the bad things about him and Olivia being so similar. It was in their nature to push away their feelings and to hide the truth when things got too complicated, but he was done with that now. He didn't want to go back to that, back to the old Elliot. He had way too much to lose this time.

He heard the door open and close and he was thankful for it. He heard her clothes hit the floor and the sliding glass shower door opened. He felt the cool air making its way in, but it was quickly cut off. Then there was nothing. No hands wrapping around him or a kiss on his neck, just silence filled with the sound of the water hitting against his body. He turned around and Olivia was standing behind him, her back was touching the far wall. She was putting distance between them, in more ways than one, and tears were streaming down over her cheeks.

"Liv," he breathed out as he reached out to touch her face, only to be blocked by her hand.

"No ... please don't," she let out and wrapped her arms around herself. "What happened? I

don't understand, Elliot."

He dropped his hands down by his sides "I don't know ... it's just hard sometimes."

She dropped her head and looked at the ring on her left hand, "What is? Being with me?"

"No! Not at all ... that's not what I meant," he sighed and shook his head.

"Then what is it? Why did you close up on me?" She asked him, looking up at his face.

Elliot tried once more to reach out to her and was relieved when she let him rest his hand on her cheek. He swiped his thumb over her cheek, removing away the tears that had left a trail behind "Please don't cry, Liv ... you know how much it hurts me to see you like this."

Olivia rested her hand on top of his , "Then talk to me."

He kissed her forehead and let his lips linger on her skin, "I let you in. You know everything about me. You probably know me better than I know myself. I have worked so hard to be open with my thoughts and emotions, especially with you. I learned by not being open and honest I lost you and I can't lose you again, but it's still so easy for me to just go back to how I used to be. To close myself off and push everyone out is just what comes natural to me, but I don't want to do that to you. You deserve more than the man I used to be."

Olivia moved back and looked up at him. She watched as the water ran through his wet hair and trickled down his face. She put her hand on his forehead and pushed it back into his hair "I know that it's hard for you to always be so open and vulnerable, that's not who you are ... or were, but every time you bare your soul to me and allow yourself to be vulnerable, I fall in love with you even more, and believe it or not, I learn more about you." She moved her hand down his face, resting it on his cheek she ran her thumb across his lips. "What do you need from me? What can I do to help you be that person?"