How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

52.

Robin's wedding dress consultation was today. She invited her closest girlfriends, Addie and... the other one, her mother, her grandmother, my mother and me. I'm sure my invite came at the pleading of Flint. It's not like we have any bad feelings towards each other, but I don't really know much about Robin or her side of the family.

We all sat on a few chairs placed out for us by the employees of the boutique and we waited for what seemed like an hour before Robin finally came out of the changing room. I had fallen into playing with my hair around my fingers, just trying to distract myself as the time passed by us. For a while, I had also tried to memorize the number of sparkly curtains that hung off of the windows, but also really random and weird places like the middle of the room. It didn't seem to be there for any purpose at all, but I guess it was to enhance the experience. In the end, I counted a total of 42 curtains.

Robin's face was completely lit up with glee, making her freckled face more rosy than usual. Everyone, I think, but me seemed absolutely mesmerized. She was beautiful, and I mean spectacularly beautiful, I just couldn't feel much on the inside. I rather felt more like the rain that was falling outside. The trickling of the drops hitting the window pane.

The first dress she tried on was slick and visibly made of silk. It wasn't tight however, it only hugged her slightly and although it didn't have any jewels and beads sewn on to it, it still glistened in the spotlights.

"Wow," my mother speaks up, "you look... well, stunning!"

"You really do," Addie agrees, bobbing up and down.

I've met Addie once before and I can definitely say without a doubt that this girl has never heard of the word chill. I don't know who keeps feeding her sugar and caffeine, cause I've never seen her crash. At some point, she must just fall over and pass out from exhaustion. I might not know her really, but I'm kind of worried for her health and safety.

"I don't know if this is it..." Robin replies. "It's amazing for sure, I just don't know if it screams ME!"

"Thank god!" Robin's grandmother mumbles under her giant fur coat, "It looks more like a nightgown to me."

For a second, I think everyone was taken aback with what we just heard. This little old lady clearly wasn't afraid to speak her mind.

Robin hopped off the pedestal she had been standing on in front of the floor length mirrors, reflecting us, and hurried along back to the changing room.

We waited like before, but luckily it didn't take as long this time.

This time she was wearing something completely different. I didn't think she would go in the complete opposite direction of a long, poufy, princess dress. It's long chiffon layers spread out almost beyond the consultation area, and although similar to the brightness of the last dress, the fabric gave it a texture that reflected everything sown into the bodice like a disco ball. Her chest was covered in an almost transparent cloth and on it were hand embroidered vines and flowers with crystals the size of a quarter.

When Robin saw herself in the mirror, she instantly brought her hands to her face and gasped with awe.

"Oh, my-" she could barely get the words out.

Her mother pulled out a handkerchief and started dabbing the tears under her eyes. My mother on the other hand just sat there as if she had just discovered the meaning of life itself. On my part, I had no idea what I was doing. I think my face did nothing at all until Robin turned to me for advice.

"What do you think, Claire?" she asks still in a state of amazement. "Do you think Flint will love it? You know him better than any of us."

Me! She's the one marrying him, she should know him better than me.

I put on my bravest smile, whether I meant it or not, I wasn't sure, but I say, "I think he'll just fall to pieces, he'll love it."

She turns back to her reflection just swaying around in everything that surrounds her, it's a lot of dress. I could tell she was daydreaming about it all, but the only thing I could conjure up in my imagination was if Tess was wearing that dress. She would look like an angel of pure perfection, with her hair braided up and a diamond necklace hanging around her neck.

I excuse myself to the bathroom only to try and get away from my thoughts. I don't believe anyone noticed me getting red in my face.

Once a tear had started rolling down my face, I hoped that it would soothe my burning cheeks, but it didn't. And if the walls weren't so thin in this one person washroom, I probably would have just let it all out, I definitely wanted to.

Tess won't talk to me, Chase won't even tell me anything. I'm scared that I've lost her completely, that she's even gone as far as deleting my number from her phone and my name from her life. I also wonder if she's talked about it with anyone. Chase must know everything, but has she also told someone else? I've told no one. I'm not sure what people would think of me if they knew. I have to be the worst person in the world, I didn't even try to stop him... Maybe I wanted it to happen then, but I regret it now and I should have regretted it even for having thought about it in the first place.

But how do I let her know all this?

How do I tell anyone this?

Maybe I should talk to someone...

I need to talk to someone.

I'm going to talk to someone!