The World's Funniest Shit 3

13. Kids, Children, and Dicks

1. Husband: Honey, do you smell that?

Wife: No

Husband: Yeah, me neither, start cooking.

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2. Children in the backseat can cause accidents.

Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

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3. I've always wondered why The Muppets had such large, protruding eyes. I then realized if I had a hand shoved up my ass all the time, my eyes would do the same.

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4. Election and Erection are spelled almost the same. They both mean the same thing, too. A dick rising to power.

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5. I saw two elementary kids having a fist fight. As a adult, I had to step in. They didn't stand a chance!

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6. If a girl ever pulls out a knife during a argument, get out bread and mayo, her women instincts would kick in and make you a sandwich.

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7. If it's so great outside, why do bugs keep trying to get in my fucking house?

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8. If I was a judge, instead of shouting,"Order in the court!"

I would say,"STOP! Hammer time!" Then proceed to gavel out the freshest beat in the history of the judicial system.

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9. I was just sitting around, doing nothing, and then was arrested for impersonating the President of the United States.

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10. I killed a vampire on Halloween this year. Or a kid. Either way, the wooden stake worked.