The World's Funniest Shit 3

9. Kidnaps and Robbery

1. You want to know Victoria's Secret? Their lingerie doesn't look the same on your wife as it does on their models.

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2. So, who was the first guy that saw a egg come out of a chicken's ass and say,"Ooo, I'm going to eat that"?

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3. Are all girls claustrophobic? It seems like every single one freaks out when they're locked in the trunk of my car.

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4. Robber: Give me all of your money or else you're chemistry!

"Dont you mean history?"

Robber: Don't change the subject!

*Both start laughing*

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5. I think the guy who invented ties was trying to commit suicide but then looked in the mirror and was like,"Whoa, this looks nice."

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6. Husband: What would you do if I won the lottery?

Wife: I'll take half and leave.

Husband: Well, here's 6 dollars, pack up and leave!

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7. The way you look at me,

Wait, there's something in your eyes,

Dont worry, there's nothing more except jealousy and disguise.

By interrupting me with your stupid talking,

Even nursery rhymes are more rocking,

Your words are just a heap of trash,

And your mouth just wrote a check your ass cant cash!

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8. Dear Autocorrect,

Frankly, I'm tired of all your shirt.

Signed, Me

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9. CLAPPING:

(Verb)

Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else's accomplishments.

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10. Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

He's for me,

Not for you,

If by chance,

You take me place,

I'll take my chair,

And smash your face.