The world of Anxiety and depression

How my life started before Anxiety and Depression hits me!

Hi, 

I am Hannah,

I am 18 years old

I live in this small town called Liverpool

I have no friends 

I have a little family of just my little sister and mum, as my brother lives with my dad and my older sister lives with my nan now.

Oh also did i tell you i'm a twin, I don't like admitting it lol

On this late evening i was laying in bed all day wondering why am i here and why am i still alive...

I walk around this town sometimes, barely being able to breathe or speak anymore, I don't talk to anyone because i'm afraid of what people would think of me. 

I am use to people not liking me because of the way i look, i put myself down so often i don't know how to make myself feel better about myself. 

I go to doctors after doctors wondering whats wrong with me. Why hate myself all the time. having these bad thoughts going through my head 24/7, it hurts my brain mentally and physically. 

My doctors say I suffer from anxiety and depression, when i thought it was just the way i am, self cautious and self hated.

I get put on this medication to help me sleep at night and help me smile again. Does it work? No 

I ask my doctors all the time " How do I be happy again?' the doctor always says to be happy you have to do things that make you happy its not that hard. Then why do i find it hard to love anything these days. Because you never thought about the things that make you happy. 

The doctor always questions me what makes you happy? 

I always said what makes me happy these days when everything is falling apart. it hurts sleeping now a days. It even hurts to breathe....

I got told to go to head space after a while because the doctor didn't know how to help me with my depression and anxiety. 

I guess i'll see on Wednesday how that goes...

I write in my diary -

Dear diary,

I woke up today feeling down and drowsy,

why do you ask?

Because I feel like my world is down

my life is a mess

i have no friends

my family hates me 

and lastly I suffer from this so called word Anxiety and depression.

I was diagnosed with Anxiety and depression in 2016.

they said it was from my lack of social and because I am basically a loner now. 

I left school in year 11 

why? Because I lost everyone and have nothing to hold onto anymore.

-  End of diary - 

I write in my diary everyday and tell my doctor how I feel 

-Next Chapter coming out soon -  Thanks for reading - please vote xo 

Hannahsmarin