Amatory ✓

12. Personal experience ~ NATE

Before I could reply, she'd already left and slammed the door behind her. What the hell? Why was she so angry with me? I was just... not interested in someone like Carl.

"So how 'bout that girl, Nate?"

I lowered my book so I could look at Terrence, who was seated next to me on the couch, watching TV with Micah and Dad. They were suddenly very interested in my answer as well. I glanced at the TV shortly, wondering why Terrence had brought it up, before replying, "It's nothing, really."

"Lame," Micah mumbled. "Is she hot?"

How was I supposed to know if Tavonna was hot or not? I was fucking gay.

Well, I mean, I had eyes. I could see that she was fairly pretty, but I wasn't attracted to her feminine features and body parts, so I wasn't sure if she was hot, per sé. Maybe? As far as I knew, straight guys loved big boobs and big butts, while I was over here secretly drooling over strong jaws, V shaped figures and happy trails, all of which she had none (though I couldn't be too sure about that last one), so I shrugged and said, "Sure."

"Why do they keep showing this shit?" Dad grumbled.

"What stuff?"

"This gay stuff," he said, waving a hand at the screen. "I don't wanna see all these faggots prancing around and dressing up as women. How can they even allow it? What a waste of screentime."

"Y'know, that reminds me, Dad," Terrence said, but I didn't hear the rest. I'd already tuned them out. I'd heard it a million times before. Gays were disgusting sinners and they were all going to hell. Sometimes I wondered if Nick went to heaven or hell when he was killed five years ago.

I would never forget about Nick.

He was the happiest boy in town. Perfect grades. Always nice to everyone. Eighteen years old and a whole life ahead of him—until he put a dark red lipstick on his lips and sparkly, bright, blue-green eyeshadow on his eyelids to prom. Just like that boy who kissed me, he probably thought it didn't matter—he even went as far as to come out to everyone that night—since the last day of school was barely a few weeks away.

He couldn't be any more wrong.

I'd felt so sick when I heard Micah and Terrence bragging to our father about their friends who had beaten up the defenseless boy. They had broken so many things even the hospital couldn't save him, and no one could prove who'd done it. Because the only witness was dead and everyone else would never snitch.

It could have been me.

It was like it didn't even matter to them that killing was just as much a sin as being gay.

Truly outstanding Christianity.

"Hey, Nate?"

I snapped out of my daydream and turned to look at the door opening, where Johanna was standing and gesturing at me to come over. "I wanna show you something."

I put my bookmark in between the pages of my book and followed her upstairs, where she suddenly pushed her phone into my hands.

"Here, read this."

"What is it?" I asked, and my dumb ass thought it'd be something fun because she used to do this when I was younger—show me articles and videos of things that interested me—but I was wrong. I was very wrong. My smile fell when I saw that the title of the article on her phone read Anatomy Does Not Define Gender, Experts Say.

"Jo, what's this?" I whispered, before getting up to close the door to my room, because Dad, Micah and Terrence were right downstairs. Not exactly a good time and place to be talking about this!