Reflection

Uncertainty

"Your allowed to scream," Lukas leaned back in his chair.

"Your allowed to cry," Lukas whispered softly, folding his hands neatly in his lap.

"Just...not allowed to give up," He mumbled, sighing faintly afterwards.

Lukas buried his head in his lap, his blonde hair disheveled and messy.

The bird's outside chirped quietly, the small stars shone radiantly, and Lukas' gloomy gaze turned to the large window.

Lukas didn't understand. His best friend didn't deserve this not after everything she did and that frustrated him.

Lukas quickly stood up and walked out of the room. He pressed his fingers on his forehead and steadily began pacing up and down the bright hallways. He hated seeing Jesse in that room. In fact he despised it.

He felt his hands tremble and a dull pain pulse throughout his head. Lukas leaned against a cold wall. The cold seeped through his thin orange shirt, but he wasn't too worried about that at the moment.

He slid down against the wall and leisurely brought his legs to his chest. He took out a small notepad and pen before he began writing his thoughts down. Black ink smoothly glided across the lined paper and suddenly Lukas stopped.

His grip on the black pen tightened and his feet softly tapped against the cold dense floor.

Lukas clenched his teeth, gently pressed his fingers against his forehead and took a deep shaky breath.

He hated seeing her like this. So weak and frail. It just wasn't like her at all.

It had only been a couple of hours, but to him it seemed like he had been there forever.

He wished that he could do something for Jesse, but he didn't know what to do.

He knew that when she woke up she'd most likely be more gloomy than usual.

Without a doubt, he was sure that the doctor's told her how long she had left to live.

Lukas blinked, he needed to get the others, but they were so distant now. Plus, it was extremely difficult to get in contact with them.

They can't be that busy...right? They should be able to at least see one of his messages or calls right?

Apparently not.

Lukas' glistening eyes, sparkled and shined as a radiant white light reflected within them.

He thought for awhile. He had noticed Jesse's behavior in the last few days and she seemed....off.

Lukas couldn't quite put his tongue on the right words to describe it, but she seemed...

...He just couldn't describe it no matter how hard he tried.

Different. No. Off. Kinda, but still not exactly the word's he was looking for.

Lukas gave up, effortlessly leaned his head against the wall and closed his heavy eyelids for just a few moments.

He should've came earlier. No...he should've stayed in Beacon-town with her.

Lukas felt guilty and full of regret, but what could he do about it...nothing he simply assumed.

She only had a couple of months, but those month's weren't even a complete guarantee.

Lukas breathed heavily, his chest slowly heaving in and out.

He didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't know where to turn. He didn't know what was good or what was bad.

Those words he had said to Jesse a long time again had resurfaced and echoed in his head.

You seem lost...

It was the word's he had told Jesse way back before endercon. Way back before he formed the ocelots.

He remembered clearly that his word's had caught Jesse off guard that day.

His words were true though. She was lost in the woods that day and Lukas had to help awkwardly guide her back to the town to find her two best friends.

A tiny smile curled across Lukas' lips and he found himself chuckling quietly at the fond memory.

She was so bashful and shy around him that day.

He sighed, what was he going to do? Everything just felt...off.

Nothing felt right anymore...

He wished that this was all just a dream. He just wanted to wake up. He wanted this to be over. He just wanted Jesse to be happy again.

Lukas groaned in exasperation and rested his hand on his knee.

Why did she have to be so good at hiding her emotions? She seemed so happy all the time, but now Lukas wondered if she really was happy during those days.

It was crazy that Jesse could just put on a smile, say that everything is fine, and everyone in the whole universe would just believe her.

Lukas gulped, this was his fault.

Why didn't he stay? Writing shouldn't have been a higher priority than her. I mean he didn't have to move out of Beacontown to have a more 'quieter' place to write.

Lukas felt selfish.

Writing could've waited, but he was so excited and wanted to finish it so bad.

Now he would be forced to regret it. Those months of writing could've been spent with her.

He found it crazy that Jesse stayed behind. He saw that longing look in her eye, but something held her back that day.

He wondered if she knew she had it then or maybe it was just because she wanted to help Beacontown in it's time of need.

Whatever the case may be, Lukas decided to put his impending thoughts to rest.

His eyes sparkled and he got up to his feet an almost impeccable idea popping in his head.

Lukas took a slow step down the hallway and bit his bottom lip.

He couldn't just leave her, but he was left with no other choice.

Lukas decided it was best to leave her a note. Within 35 seconds or so he had written a note.

He gently placed it on top of the end table near her hospital bed. Lukas turned his gaze to Jesse who was still sleeping peacefully.

He sighed and decided to just go. After all it wouldn't take too long.

If he was lucky he'd probably even make it back before she woke up, but he highly doubted it.

With a unsteady breath, Lukas swiftly turned around and walked out of the barely lit room. Lukas bit his bottom lip, but reassured his worried self with four simple words.

Do it for her.

---

What do you think Lukas is going to do?

How do you think Jesse will react to see Lukas gone?

Not much to say as usual so I'll see ya in the next chapter!