Promise | Jimin x Jeongyeon

IV. 사랑

The fact that we were both Idols was enough of a taboo on its own to prevent us from going any further with our relationship. It was the price to pay in following the glitz and glamor of the entertainment business. Our only given purpose in K-Pop was to be placed atop a pedestal, never to be moved, and to serve whatever fantasy we were demanded of. However, this didn't stop Jimin and I from seeing each other more, the circumstance only added a layer of difficulty in our little game of sneaking around. The trouble of all this effort does not go to show the immeasurable joy and experience I get from going out with him.

It's funny to say that we're going out, but neither of us seemed to have the bravery of making things official. For whatever reason, we both kept a lid on it, having to express our intimacy through unspoken communication. It was from the long stares and cute little social cues that told the both of us that there is definitely something going on between us. I personally find it fun to secretly date Jimin, and it sort of plays a lot off from the numerous "will they won't they" type relationships I see in dramas.

As to how we spend our time together, we covered nearly all the list of things couples would usually do. Go to cafés, drunk karaokes, bike rides, etc, all things that are expected of couples. However I don't find interest in doing all of those things... Don't get me wrong, they're fun and all, but it's all superficial. It's strange somehow that I find more pleasure in those quiet in-between moments with Jimin rather than doing something energetically fun. I remember most often, when we ride the subway together, we'd always look to each other and exchange funny faces. From it we catch ourselves giggling away as other passengers look to us as if we were insane. Those little sentimental tidbits arose these warm tingling sensations that I rarely experience from others.

It had only been a couple months that I had been with Jimin, yet for some reason it felt like a decade. We shared a lot of things that we don't often confide to other people, not even those close to us. It was personal things that connected us deeper to who we really are. From it, I discovered that there is something more from Jimin that are left unraveled even if he shed some personal things. Though I have to say I shared my insecurities with him, all my fears, worries... all of it. All things that he seemed to understand and really sympathize with. It's certainly clear that Jimin is a rare breed and that I have struck gold in our little relationship.

There's this curiosity that lingered on my mind. The fact that, Jimin of all people, choose to sacrifice his time to be with me leaves a lot unanswered. Why me? In all honesty, I never expected myself to be with him, and I see the same mutual feelings in Jimin as well. Although feelings towards this may have changed from this point, but this does not take away the rather ambiguous reasoning of all of it. Was I just another girl to be crossed off of Jimin's list? Was it all because of some stupid dare? I don't know... it is more likely than not that he does have feelings for me... however there are those insecurities that still leave me wondering.

—

Jimin and I took a minibus home after visiting Baekjeong Village, spending our afternoon there walking along the old city walls and visiting its quiet streets. It was like a little getaway for us there, having to worry less in getting caught due to the fact that most of the residents in that village consists entirely of elderly people. The experience there felt completely wholesome and liberating at the same time. There was no flashiness or attractiveness to the village, it was more or less a beaten part of town stuck in the 70s. Somehow what drove us there was its quaint attitude that you rarely get in Seoul, a perfect place to share a moment between someone. Being there had me reflect upon a lot of things which culminated a lot things that I never really brought myself upon.

It was very moody inside that bus, having the only sounds come from the humming sound of the engine and the hushed sounds of my conversation with Jimin. We talked about nothing and its significance over nothing. To which one would question the very meaning of the discussion in its fullest. There, in that instant, that I was compelled to ask abruptly changing the subject of our talk as a whole.