What I Expect

Riding Lessons

I like polarshipping, sorry 💜😜 it's my favourite het YuGiOh couple, although Blueshipping is a close second.

When I get to university this morning, it's growing chilly. That weird plateau of cold temperatures and high winds on the border between Winter and Spring. I see Yūgi up ahead but don't approach - he's holding hands with Yami, their blue gloves making their hands looks so cosy intertwined. Yugi wears a light blue scarf decorated with stars, and I think it's adorable. Envy festers inside me while I imagine Akefia and I holding hands like that, laughing and sharing snugness in our winter clothes. In irritation I know is irrational, I huff to myself and stalk off to my lecture theatre. I take my usual seat beside Mai.

"Hey, what were your results?" She asks and I tell her, unsure whether to be embarrassed if she scored higher or smug if she scored lower.

"Oh, I got straight Bs," she brags proudly, and I don't actually feel embarrassed. Instead I admire her for being a smart badass. What's not to like? I can see why Joey likes her anyway, although their personalities seem polar opposites. Hah. If they were an anime couple they'd be called polarshipping.

"You can help me study then," I half-joke, opening my book and staring at the material my brain just refuses outright to absorb. I slump over my desk, humming lightly to myself in boredom.

"Actually I can't. I have my own plans this weekend," Mai chuckles. "Valon from Engineering is gonna take me for a ride on his motorcycle,"

"The Australian?" I ask and she nods. "Will Joey not be jealous?"

Mai chuckles to herself. "He ain't jealous of you,"

"Yeah, but I'm gay,"

Her face grows serious and she shrugs. "He has female friends, I can have male friends. It's not a big deal. Although yeah, he does get a little jealous," she admits, and I drop the subject. I don't know why I keep making everyone depressed when I ask them questions. I'm just curious about people, that's all. I don't mean them any harm, although sometimes it feels like I should just shut up. My mind drifts to my own feelings seeing Akefia and Melvin together, but surely it's different for her, if she and Joey are already dating. If he isn't gonna cheat, why would he be jealous? That's the kind of question I'd usually ask aloud but this time I keep my mouth shut.

"I've always wanted to ride a motorcycle..." I muse to myself, unaware Mai is listening. Unaware I'm even here. For a second it's just me in the vast deserts of Egypt, wandering as my toes sink into the sand. "I remember discovering them in a magazine when I was 10. I snuck out the tomb and found it. I had no idea what they were! They seemed so freeing, fast and dangerous and enticing. I used to sit on a wall and imagine myself riding one, my hair blowing in the wind. Really it was just heavy winds that made it do that," I chuckle to myself, nostalgia filling my eyes. Mai looks at my strangely for a second, but doesn't mention that I said 'tomb'.

"You can come with if you want!" She offers. "We're going to the track so I'm sure they'll have a practice bike. We wouldn't mind, he can teach you too!"

"I couldn't impose, really," normally it would be a tempting offer, but I'm overwhelmed with study stuff and other thoughts involving a certain silver-haired architect. Mai snorts.

"Suit yourself!" I will, thank you very much.

After my lecture, I return home. As soon as I open the door my body freezes. That screaming. Akefia's screaming and bumping and crashing. Fuck the customers, I run upstairs to find him on the floor, clutching his head and screaming, limbs writing. I'm so scared he's going to hit his head off the wall, he's so close to it. All I can do is protect him. Even if I can't make him love me, or make him happy even. I'll protect him. I throw myself against the wall, just in  time as his back does a final jerk, slamming his head into my legs.