This Is Me

Something Stupid (Part One)

Something Stupid (Part One)

My mind reeled all night. Thinking about Leroy, his father, what Bradly said, and the video I knew that I wasn't going to get any sleep, and as the Saturday morning sun rose, and my alarm rang, I groaned.

I had no idea why I even set the alarm for the weekend. Perhaps I was a dumbass who thought I would get out of bed and be productive. Usually, that wasn't the case, and I would turn my alarm off and go back to sleep. Today, however, was different, and as I turned my phone's alarm off, I also rolled out of bed.

As soon as my feet hit the ground, I felt the weight of the sleepless night settle down on me, and each step across my room was like dragging boulders that were tied around my ankles. My shoulders slumped, and my arms hung as it felt as though my hands had turned into two-tonne weights.

Reaching my desk, I pulled my chair out and sat down, slumping back in the seat. Closing my eyes, I tried to clear my mind but had no luck, and while my eyelids were getting heavier by the second, I knew I wouldn't be able to keep them closed. Nor did I want to. Doing so made it much harder to clear my mind. Straining them open once again, I looked at the blank screen of my computer, and my thoughts landed on the video I had made.

"Why do I care?" I whispered to myself, feeling my breathing get heavier as my emotions began to run amuck.

I had no idea if I was sad, angry, anxious, or something else. All I knew was that my stomach was having a field day thinking about the video and what Brad had said. Perhaps it was a mixture of all of those emotions. After all, I was a walking train wreck.

Suddenly, I felt a vibration in my pocket, and I slowly pulled my phone out, surprised it still had any battery left. Looking at the screen, I could see I had a message from Andy. In all honesty, if anyone saw how I named people in my phone, they would already know I was gay.

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From The Bambi-Andy

7:37 am Pete you raspberry donut

7:37 am Are you awake?

I'm slowly getting there 7:38 am

7:41 am Look, don't worry about what Roy's dad said. He has no idea what hes talking abut

7:43 am Roy doesn't care so don't think it's going to stop us all from haning out

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Looking down at my phone and reading over Andy's messages, a smile tugged at my lips. The horrible feeling in my stomach, while still churning, began to slowly vanish as a calm settled on me.

"He doesn't care," I muttered to myself. "He told Andy he doesn't care."

As the words I spoke whisked away into the still air of my room, the smile that came to rest on my face began to dwindle as I thought about the texts on my phone's screen.

"He told Andy..." These words, unlike the others I spoke, seemed to hang around my head, dangling in front of my eyes, waiting for me to piece everything together.

That was the thing, though. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to piece it together. Leroy had told Andy what happened, which meant Leroy must have noticed I was leaning in to kiss him. If that was true, then Leroy knows I'm gay.

And he told Andy.

The churning in my stomach began to become more forceful again and the instinct to throw my phone across the room came over me, but before I had time to act on it, it began to vibrate in my hand.