it's so lonely here

Better Without Me

Emma's POV
I was awakened from my slumber by my ringtone going off. I had received fifteen texts in the span of ten seconds. "Who the hell is it," I muttered while pushing myself up. I unlocked my phone, immediately burning my eyes with the brightness. It took a second for my eyes to adjust, but when my retinas were no longer burning I saw the texts were from Logan.
"People are accusing me of raping you."
"Which is insane, I would never do something like that, you know me."
"I would never even touch you, you're disgusting"
"You better fucking clear up the rumors"
"Your silence on social media is fucking everything up"
"Do something, or else"
"I know people that could kill you right now. I have your location. I don't fucking play"
"You better fucking respond"
"You're such an attention seeker"
"Fraud"
"No wonder you're alone. Fuck you bitch"

The messages continued, but I couldn't keep reading. Was I overreacting? Was it all a dream? Did anything happen? Maybe it was my fault. I logged onto twitter and saw the firestorm that was taking place. People were bashing Logan and his subscriber count was dropping by the second. While most of the tweets were in support of me, there were a few that believed I was faking the entire thing.

"She's doing this for sympathy"
"What an attention seeker"
"If it actually happened she'd address it"

My mind was spinning in circles. I didn't understand what was happening. I couldn't figure out if it was real or not. Was I ever even raped? I had the video, they all saw the video, I was begging for my fucking life, couldn't they see that? Maybe I was being over dramatic, but no matter how hard I tried to push down own my feelings it couldn't stop them from boiling over. I felt worthless. I was a fucking lonely piece of worthless shit. I let the tears stream down my cheeks, not caring if anyone heard my cries. I couldn't take it anymore. I tried so hard to pretend it was all okay. I tried my best to protect Ethan, avoid getting into trouble with Logan, and extinguish my feelings of loneliness, but it didn't work. I failed. I was a fucking failure. I thought about grabbing my blades, but what's the point? They couldn't stop my life from falling apart. I looked out at the night sky and wished I wasn't here. I couldn't stand to be alive anymore, life was hell. No matter how many opportunities I got, subscribers I gained, or money I made could take away my sadness. The only thing that could do that was Ethan, but I was sure I had ruined our relationship. I spent the last few weeks lying to him. I did it out of love, but that didn't help the fact that I kept the biggest secrets of my life from him. How would he ever trust me again? How could anyone trust me again? How I was going to face my parents or fans? I couldn't see a way out of it, I was in too deep. I just wanted to erase myself. I decided to go out for a walk and try and clear my head. I hopped out of my car and headed down to the overlook. The wind was picking up and chills ran down my spine. A storm was coming, I could see lighting flickering in the distance. I didn't mind though, the weather matched my mood. When I got to the overlook I took a seat on the edge and looked out into the ocean. It was never ending darkness, almost like a black hole. By this point my tears had stopped and I was beginning to feel numb. It's hard to describe, but I suddenly didn't care about anything. I couldn't feel anything. Death didn't seem scary and thoughts of me jump into the void danced through my head. I peaked over the edge and looked down, I was so high up that I was sure I'd die on impact. I wouldn't feel a thing. Wouldn't that be better than facing reality? Wouldn't that be better than watching your life continue to crumble around you? I looked over the edge again and felt my stomach drop. I couldn't even see the bottom. Memories of Ethan flashed through my mind. I saw his smile, I saw the twinkle in his eyes he talked about something he was passionate about, I heard his laugh, his beautiful, glorious laugh, and I felt his touch, the way he'd gently cup my cheeks as he kissed me. I loved him, I loved him so much, it was a shamed I never got a chance to tell him. I stood up on the ledge and let my foot dangle off of it. "He's better off without you," I reminded myself, "you're a burden. You have too many problems and he doesn't need to deal with them." I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut, I guess this was goodbye. Before I had a chance to jump over something hit me. I couldn't tell what it was, but the impact was so great that I stumbled back onto the pavement, causing me to hit my head on the ground. I opened my eyes, but quickly shut them again, the world was spinning around me. Was I dead? Did I jump? I couldn't tell but I felt pain radiate throughout my body. I didn't know what was happening to me until I heard a distant voice talk to me, "Emma!" It yelled. It sounded so far away, I could barely make out who it was. "Emma!" The voice shouted again, sounding much closer than before. I tried to focus on the voice, I needed to know who it was. Was it God? Maybe I was entering Heaven. Was my guardian angel about to bring me to the light? "Baby!" the voice cried, and in that moment I knew exactly who it was.

Ethan.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: hello!!! Sorry for such a dark chapter but that's why there is a trigger warning surrounding the entire book. Please let me know your thoughts so far! Thanks for reading!!

Word count: 1050