I Choose You.

Chapter 15

Castiel's POV

I woke up from the buzz of my alarm from in my room. I was still on the floor in my bathroom. I stood up, a little shaky at first, and turned the light on. I went and turned my alarm off and walked back into the bathroom. I looked on the floor and saw all the dried blood from earlier. I fell out around 2am. It's 5:30am right now. I had 3 and a half hours of "sleep". I clean up all of the dried blood on my arms and the floor. I turn the shower on and step in, not waiting for the water to get hot. I lean against the wall and let the water run down my body. I let out a hitched breath knowing what I have to do today. Dean.. My love. I start crying in the shower, my tears mixing with the water. I get out of the shower and dry off. I go put on a pair of jeans and one of my hoodies. Thank God it's January and freezing outside. I finish getting ready quickly and check my phone. There's a message from Dean that I received last night apparently.

"I love you too. What's wrong? You don't say that out of no where."

I closed my eyes and let a few tears fall. I can't do this. I dried my eyes and calmed down for a few minutes. I grabbed my keys and walked out to my car, sneaking past my mother and brothers. I drove to school ignoring the few texts I got from Dean.

I pulled in and parked my car in the back lot. I pulled my sleeves down and slung my bag on my back. I walked to the front of the school. I walked last the impala and took a deep breath. I saw Dean standing by the front doors, waiting for me like always. I bit the inside of my cheeks to keep from crying. I pulled my hood onto my head so he wouldn't see me. I ducked my head down and started walking, praying he won't see me. I mixed in with the other kids and got through the front doors. When I'm half way down the hallway I take my hood off. I stop at my locker and get my books and put my bag up. I close my locker and look over. I see Dean down the hallway and he sees me. I push my thumb on one of my deeper cuts and speed walk the other direction. Dean started walking and then running towards me, "Cas! Hey, Cas! Castiel!" I turned down a hallway and slipped out of his view. I can't go to class. I can't do this. I run to the gym and sit under the bleachers. My knees to my chest and my head buried in my hands. I start breathing heavy. I can't do this! The bell rang and I didn't move. I start crying again and shaking my head, "If I do this, I'll be breaking my own heart.. I cant.. I can't." I couldn't calm down at all. I pulled one of my sleeves up and started picking and scratching at my cuts. More and more tears fell. I'd prefer dying than being without Dean. I picked at my cuts until they started bleeding again, the blood getting under my finger nails.

"Cas?", I heard a familiar voice say, "Baby?" Dean walked around and his eyes widened at what he saw. He didn't say anything. He just sat down in front of me and grabbed both of my hands. "What's wrong, baby?" I tried pulling my hands back but I'm too weak from blood loss from last night. Dean took off his plaid over shirt and wrapped my arm with it. "Do-don't call me that.. please.." He scooted closer to me. "Cas.." I finally looked up at him. When my eyes met his more tears fell. "Shh.. It's alright.." He wiped my face off with his thumbs. "No.. It's not alright." "Tell me then." How am I supposed to tell the love of my life that I'm breaking up with him? "My mom found out, Dean. Lucifer went behind my back and told her. She freaked out. She told me I have to - that I - that we can't be together. If I don't break up with you she's throwing me out.. Disowning me.. Dean, I can't lose you. I can't! I decided to end it before it even happened last night. I didn't do a good enough job though.." Dean's face dropped. "Are you really doing this? Ending us? All because of your mom? Cas! No.. Baby please no.. Baby.. Please.." I looked away, "I don't want to do this, Dean.. I love you. This isn't my choice." Dean nodded, tears falling from his face now. "I love you too, Cas.. So much.." After a few minutes of silence Dean spoke up again, "Can I have one last kiss? Please.." I nodded. I climbed into his lap and cupped his face. My lips touched his. He pushed his lips onto mine. Both of us crying.

Nothing is more painful than losing the one thing that made you truly happy. The one thing you loved more than any thing. The scars, the depression, none of it. This triumphed over it all. It's like dying and having to relive it everyday.

We kept kissing each other under the bleachers. Both of us mumbling an "I love you" here and there. I pulled back after a while and looked him the eyes, "I'm sorry.. I love you.. But It's.. It's over, Dean.." I tried drying my face as more tears fell. I gave him one last embrace and climbed off his lap. I got out from under the bleachers and looked back at my ex-lover. His face was in hands, his elbows on his knees, his knees to his chest. He was crying. I sniffed and ran to my car.

When I got home my mom was surprised to see me. "Castiel, what are you doing?" I stared at her, my eyes and face puffy from crying. "I broke up with Dean. I hope you're fucking happy." I pushed past her and went up to my room. I slammed my door and plopped down on my bed. I laid there and didn't move until late that night. I would cry once or twice every few hours.

The rest of my life is going to be a drought surrounded by other's floods.

I'm dead inside. I'm nothing without Dean Winchester. I'm back where I started.