I Choose You.

Chapter 12

Castiel's POV

I ran in through the door and straight to my room. I slammed my door shut and paced back and forth.

Oh my god. Lucifer just saw me kissing Dean. Okay. Let's think this through. What can I say to make it seem that it wasn't what it looked like.

My phone went off, Dean was calling me. I ignored it. What if Lucifer tells mom?! She'll force me to break up with him or she'll throw me out.. Either way it's not going to be good if she does.

Lucifer showed up in my doorway, leaning against the door post. "Hello, brother." A smug look on his face. I turned around, "Lucifer."

"Well.. I just saw something pretty exciting, Cas."

"It's - it's not what it looked like!"

He raised an eyebrow and smiled, "Oh, really? Because it looked like you were kissing your best friend, Dean Winchester. Is that not what I saw?"

"I - uh - no?" I sighed, "Lucifer.. Don't tell mom.. Please.. I'm begging you."

"Begging me, huh? Oh this is going to be fun. What do I get out of not telling her? The satisfaction of being a good brother? I think I'll pass.." He walked out of the room before I could plead with him some more. I closed my door and locked it. I sat on my bed and picked up my phone. I texted Dean.

"I'm screwed. We're screwed."

"What? What happened? You ran inside dropping your bag. I picked it up and sat it on your front porch."

"Thank you.. But lucifer saw us kissing, Dean. He's going to tell my mom. Something bad is going to happen."

"Oh shit. Shit shit shit. What do you think is going to happen?"

"I don't know.. Maybe he won't tell." Right. Because Lucifer is so kind.

"Ha. Right. We probably shouldn't see each other tomorrow then."

"Yeah, you're probably right.. It's late, Dean. I should probably sleep instead of worry myself to death."

"You're right. I love you. Get some rest, baby. Everything is going to be fine."

"I love you too."

I sat my phone down and buried my face in my pillows. Everything was just perfect, and now this? What the hell! What kind of sick joke is God playing here?! Makes my life hell, gives me Dean and makes it all perfect, and then fucking takes him away! Just when I believed there was hope for a future. I can't have Dean taken away from me. I can't. My eyes got teary thinking about losing dean. I haven't lost him yet.

I sat up in my bed worrying the entire night.

What if my mom does find out? What will happen? Will she disown me for being a disgrace? Am I disappointment to my family? For loving someone of the same sex? For going against my religion? For going against everything I stood for just a little bit over a year ago? Will she make me break my own heart? Please God, if you still care, don't let me lose him.

Don't let me lose him.

I got really emotional while thinking of all this. I'm supposed to be doing this god forsaken mission that my father left for us to do. "Spread the Word of God whenever you can. Remember the mission." He would always tell me and my brothers everyday. Multiple times. So consumed with the fucking mission. Would I have disappointed him if he were still here? Yes. I know the answer. I just don't see purpose in the mission anymore. My mother still works hard at it, and Michael does too. Not so sure about Gabe and Lucifer. Where did I go wrong? Where did I get so far off the path? I know when. When I saw Dean Winchester's bright green eyes. I don't even care about it when I think about that boy. My everything.

Lucifer walked into my room, "Hey little brother. I was thinking and, well, I thought I'd have a little fun with this. You aren't going to know when or if I tell mom, and you're going to do what I say, when I say. With no guarantee that I won't tell her, but you'll have a better chance of her not finding out. Thats the only option you have. Or I'll go tell her right now." I closed my eyes, I felt like crying. I have no other choice though. I nodded. "Fine.. Whatever, just do not tell mother." Lucifer smirked and nodded, "Ah. Making progress. See you in the morning, Cassie." He laughed slightly and walked out of my room, closing the door.

What the fuck did I just agree to?

It figures he'd pull something off like that. Fucking figures. I have a massive headache from this all, I get up and walk into my bathroom. I get in my cabinet and look for Tylenol. I find the bottle of Vicodin I would take when I wanted to harm to myself. I scoff and remember all the stuff I did to myself. I was my own worst bully. I looked behind the bottle and saw two separate blades with dried blood on them. I never cleaned them off. Thinking about what I did to myself, what I'm about to put myself through, was too much. It's making me depressed all over again. How could these past few months have been just perfect, and now this? God gave me a solution and now he's doing this?! Threatening to take it away.

I won't let him though. I won't let anything take Dean away from me. I find the Tylenol and take two, I turn my lights off and lay down, I'm wearing one of Dean's shirts he let me keep. It still smells like him. Before I fall asleep, I whisper out loud, "Please God, don't let me lose him.." I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

I have a feeling this isn't going to end well.