In Another Universe

Monday 03:03 We sink

It appeared that this was were he was to end up every time. Once again, he was lying on his bed, in the middle of a room whose floor he couldn't see under his clothes and books. His blondish hair were almost as messy as his surroundings. And as always when he's lying like this, in his pyjamas, and especially at 3 am, he was staring at the ceiling.

This time, the ceiling wasn't white, not in the shadows so late at night. Which was worse. This dark grey colour was closer to the one of his old ceiling, the one with the stars. During the day, you don't see the stars, but you know they're here somewhere behind all this blue sky. But during the night, they're supposed to be there. If they're not, you know it's because of clouds, or pollution, or bad weather. Nothing good. He didn't like the ceiling in the dark.

He straightened up before crawling underneath his blankets. He had at least three, it just helped him sleep.

He grabbed his laptop from the floor and opened it on his laps. "Gay test"? Was it what he just typed? He almost deleted it, but after a short hesitation, he pressed the search bar.

A Buzzfeed quiz popped up and he almost clicked on it. What was one of those quizzes good for? Not much, not much at all. Except when you're trying to disprove something.

There were some others test, maybe more "professional", at least he guessed. But what would be the questions anyway? Are you attracted the same-sex? Do you enjoy having sex with people of the same-sex? Well the second one wasn't really on the table just yet. But the first one? He played nervously with his fingers, looking at the open Google page in front of him.

Fuck it, he thought and clicked on the Buzzfeed link. "How Gay are you?" To be honest, which Charlie was desperately trying to be, at least with himself first, and the rest later, that was more the question. How much...

Of course, this was still a stupid Buzzfeed quiz. Sure, slightly more serious than "What Kind of Bagel Are You?", but it clearly didn't take itself too seriously. It was making fun of the kind of "gay tests" that, instead of actually trying to take a guess at someone's sexuality, was just asking questions like "which Beyoncé are you?" and "what's your favourite musical?". Charlie wasn't exactly a big Beyoncé fan but for the record, favourite musical was Rock Of Ages. He was that not long ago with his parents and loved it immediately.

Back to the test, in the midst of ridiculous questions such as his favourite root vegetable, were some of the questions he was dreading, but expecting. As he clicked on the last answer, the result was instant. "You got: A Little Bit Gay!".

"You're open to the idea that maybe the one for you could be in the same sex. It's all cool."

After all, maybe it could be.

But as of now, it might not be. This was a nice message and all, one that he will probably think about, but he didn't want anyone to think that's what he could be thinking.

He closed Buzzfeed, that had done its job, and opened a new tab.

"How to prevent people to know that you're gay?" was his next search. Not really on the same line. He chose a forum, kind of randomly, between the ones that appeared. Looking through the comments, none of them seemed to be what he was looking for. Definitely not the "just be you, don't worry about the others" kind of comments. That's exactly what he couldn't do right now. But then, he found someone's comment that caught his eye.

"What I do so people don't realise I'm gay is talk about girls, a lot, like it's all I can think about. But don't do it as much as Holt in Brooklyn Nine-Nine, life ain't a comedy.

Another thing I do is go after other gays, or etc. If you're hurtful enough, people won't think you're gay. But don't be violent or people might think you're only being a repressed gay. So, find your balance, I guess...

Also, try to find a cover. By that I mean a girl to date. Careful tho, don't just date anyone or you'll desperate and weird. Just find a pretty girl that's not too tactile.

Good luck."

Yeah... Good luck indeed. Charlie sighed, closed his computer and went back to the dark ceiling, with a lot more words on his mind.