love me till I'm me again - loki odinson

don't let the colors fade to grey

It was the early hour in the morning where the sky was a beautiful mixture of lilac and pink and cotton candy clouds. There wasn't many cars in the street at this time, so it looked like Thor was the only one driving down the long, lonely road. Endlessly driving to unknown destination. He kept glancing at his brother ever so often, studying him without making it obvious as Loki sat limply on the passenger seat. His breathings came out slow and weak, head lolled to the side, watching everything outside the window melted into one blurry picture. He looked exhausted. Or to be exact, Thor never saw him not exhausted ever since they left Sakaar. Ever since he was resurrected. Loki didn't smile anymore and Thor wasn't sure if he could ever see the smile on his brother's face again. His eyes that once full of life and mischief now dull and lifeless. Every time Thor tried to start a conversation, to make Loki talk all he got was bare-minimum two or three words answers. Loki wasn't well. Not at all. 'Is he really ready to be discharged from the hospital?' Was the question Thor asked the doctor at least ten times as he signed the discharge paper. But then again, the Thunder God knew being away from such depressing place where the only thing Loki did for a whole week was staring at a boring wall was better. There was no home to go. Their home, Asgard, was destroyed. The Avengers compound could never fill that void in Loki's heart, but at least it was better than being in hospital.

The letter, that Thor never had the courage to tell Loki, still stuffed in Thor's pocket. And Thor could almost felt it burning his skin through the fabric of his clothes. There were so many times he got so close to telling Loki about it and every time, Thor told himself maybe tomorrow. He'd tell Loki tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. And the problem was that; one day, if Thor kept prolonging the inevitable, they'd come a day where he could no longer keep it a secret from his brother. And when that day comes, no! Thor shook his head silently and furiously as his grip on the wheel tightened. That day would never come. Thor'd make sure of it. He'd find a way! Loki doesn't have to know. He told himself. He'd fix this and Loki wouldn't have to know about this at all. His brother already had enough weight on his shoulders.

It was almost scary how Thor didn't know how he made it to the compound, but once he cleared his mind and focused on the road up ahead he was already taking a turn into the huge gates and the enormous building was coming into view.

"We're here." Thor broke the silence, trying to sound kind and cheerful in hope to light up the mood at least a little, silence from Loki's side was the only thing answered Thor. Loki didn't even look at him. Didn't even move his head to look at Tony's luxurious house. His new home. Loki's new home.

Thor pulled the car over in front of the entrance and got out of it. Since Loki was completely disconnected from the world and still wouldn't move, Thor walked over to his side, opening the door, placing a hand under his knees, the other on his back and scooping him up. When Loki whimpered and tried to move away Thor knew it wasn't because his pride was hurt, but because being touched now terrified him. Associated all kinds of physical contact with cruelty. Thor could only sigh. He didn't have any problem telling Loki he wasn't going to hurt him a hundred times a day, that's exactly what he'd been doing, what bothered Thor was the unnerving thought of Loki never getting better. What if the Grandmaster had done such good work on Thor's brother that every time someone placed a hand lightly on Loki's shoulder Loki flinched away and could literally go into panic attack or cardiac arrest? Thor shoved that thought away. No, he'd get better, Thor told himself as he carried a trembling Loki towards his new house, being extremely mindful as though Loki was a little bird cupped in his hands.

At least, Tony allowed Loki to stay.

There was no 'Welcome Home' sign with ribbons and balloons. Only Steve and Tony gave them a short welcome at the door. Clint's face was behind his newspaper, but Thor knew he was watching. So was Bruce who was making a sandwich yet his gaze glued to their every move. Natasha was on a phone, though no matter how good of an actress she was Thor doubted she was actually talking to someone. They were watching. All of them. They were expecting Loki to strike so they could beat him down and throw him in a cell. It made Thor sick. His brother was no longer a monster. No. Loki was never a monster.