love me till I'm me again - loki odinson

bruised my knees getting down to pray

Following Steve through the hallway felt like the longest walk in Thor's life. He was nervous and anxious. His heart was pounding against his rib cage, and his palms were sweating he had to rub them against his pants. Loki is here. No, Thor had to correct himself and it made a wave of pain shoot up his spine, making him want to kneel over and throw up. Loki isn't here. His body is here. Thor had been through too many nights drowning in the thoughts of him never being able to see Loki again, nothing to hold on to, not even a body for Thor to give him proper funeral. The thought of his little brother out there all alone, somewhere in endless space, gave him chills. Poor Loki must be so scared, so lost, so cold. And now that his body was found, the God of Thunder found himself standing between two ends of relief and horror. He wasn't even sure if he was ready to see Loki again considering the fear of what condition his brother might be in. It's been so long since Loki - since the corpse - floated around in space and Thor didn't know if he was actually up to this, to see what decomposition might have done to his brother. No, Thor shook his head. He hated himself for thinking something like this, like he was disgusted by his own brother.

No, no matter what condition Loki was in, no matter how he looked now, it was still Loki, still his little brother who died protecting him.

Thor was so lost in his own troubled mind that he almost bumped into Steve when the man finally came to a stop in front of a closed door. Thor just watched as Captain placed his hand on the knob and held still. He knew Cap knew this was hard for him.

"Is he... in there?" Thor finally found his voice after silence took over the atmosphere.

"He is," Said Steve. "The Guardians found him and brought him here." Captain wanted to say more, to express more of his sincere condolence, but he couldn't think of what to say. So information was the only thing he offered.

Thor nodded, thinking of his rabbit friend. And even in such a hard time like this, it warmed the God's broken heart to know someone cared enough to go through the galaxy to look for his brother like they promised they wound. "I... I think I'm ready now." Thor spoke, noticing how Steve gripped the knob tighter he could have broken it altogether. It wasn't a good sign.

Captain took a deep breath "Just prepare yourself... Loki is... He is not in...."

"He's still my brother, Captain. I have to see him. No, I want to see him." Thor's voice was somewhat calm, calmer than he'd expected.

Steve gave him a small nod and what looked like a comforting smile. And he opened the door.

~~~

Thor forced himself not to gulp. Though as he was walking through the door he was holding his breath, and he wasn't even aware of it. He was cold, like the temperature around suddenly dropped, but he knew the only chills came from within his own body, from that void in his heart. He was finally going to see Loki again, but instead of feeling happy, Thor never felt so lonely in his life.

Truth be told, after they defeated Thanos, Tony offered Thor a place to stay - the place being the Avengers compound. And shoot, Thor wasn't really expecting Iron Man to built a morgue in his house. So the living room became Loki's current whereabout. The Thunder God stopped in his tracks, standing still in the middle of the room. His legs froze, and he found breathing almost an impossible task as he looked at the body, covered in white sheet from head to toes, laying still on the table. He gulped, eventually. And the sound of him swallowing the saliva down his throat echoed through the four walls, breaking the intense silence in the atmosphere. It was until now that Thor noticed neither Steve nor Bruce followed him inside the room. He turned his head back and saw, not only the two of his friends, but apparently, Tony and Natasha and Bucky and basically everybody else was here, lingering at the door way. No one entered the room. They were just here for Thor, and they knew they should give the God some personal space. Thor's eyes met Tony's and the billionaire just nodded at him, the body language that told Thor he wasn't alone. And so Thor nodded back without a smile before returning his gaze to the lifeless body in front of him. It took another five seconds for Thor to continue his steps.