Sunflowers

Chapter 9

As I arrive home I can hear the far off nickers of our draft horses as Pa undoubtedly is workin' out on the field.

My plain, brown, dress whips at my knees from large gust of wind and I do have to hold onto my bonnet to keep in from flyin' away. My mud colored eyes water as the wind stings them.

Thin, gray, smoke drift outta the chimney, dancin' with the wind before disappearin'. A warm glow seeps out from under the front door and I pick up my pace to get into the cozy house, outta the crisp fall weather.

As I reach the door my hand are shiverin' as I struggle to grip the door handle. My fingers are pale and I can see my breath. I just do know that my nose and cheeks is probably pink.

I finally manage to swing the door open, and I stagger inside. I slam the door shut leanin' 'gainst the oak door. The smell of roast and biscuits fills my nose. I inhale the intoxicatin' aroma and close my eyes. I drop my useless school book and my empty lunch pail on the ground beside me.

A faint grin finds my face at the thought of an empty lunch pail. I had finally gotten through to Arron. We had finally gotten to ear lunch for the first time in forever.

I stand there for a few minutes just thinkin', really, before I do I feel my eyelids open.

I gasp in shock and my brown eyes widen in surprise when I see Ma standin' right in fronta me. Her lips are pressed into a thin frown and her eyebrows knit together. Her eyes take on a rather scary look as she scowls at me.

"Do ya mind explainin' yourself, Charlotte Grace Johnson?" Ma seethes, boring a hole in me with her heavy glare.

"Pardon?" I stutter, even though I already think that I do know what she means.

"I ran into Mrs. Peirs in town today. I asked her how you been doin'. But, would you guess what she said‽" Her voice slowly but surely increasin' in volume.

I hang my head and the tips of my ears glow plink in guilt. I pick at some of the stray threads at the end of my coat sleeve and sigh heavily. There is no way I can get outta this one...

"She told me that she hasn't seen Carrie and you in school in weeks! Weeks, Charlotte! Where have you girls been goin'‽‽‽" Ma is now yellin'at me.

I snap my head up at her words. I'm gettin' real sick and tired of her pretendin'. I am still hurtin', but that don't mean that I can act like everythin' is normal. And, neither should she.

"Ma! You need to stop pretendin'! You can't pretend forever! Not only does it hurt Pa and ME when ya act like this, but it hurt you, too! And, people 'round us! Carrie's gone, Ma! Caroline's gone, and she ain't ever comin' back home! So just-..." My voice breaks as I choke at my own words, before I continue in a near whisper, "Just let her go, Ma. Ya need to let her go."

Ma's face falls and turns to the most heartbroken look I ever have seen. Her eyes that burned a hole into me are now a mere pool of tears. Her head is hung low and her hair sweeps her face. It's as if she has completely deflated to a hollow shell of what she just was.

I take a step back terrified of what I have just done. Mortified tears prick my eyes and my hand finds the doorknob behind me. As soon as I grab the door handle I fling the door open and run out.

My feet carry me far away from the four walls that Ma stood in and past Pa in the fields. I can't care less about the sharp, fall, breeze that slices my legs or the cold, noon, air that tinges my face.

"Charlie!" Pa calls out to me, but I don't answer.

He tries again, but the boulder that is lodged in my throat prevents me from answerin'. I keep runnin' as the tears rush down my face.

I don't know where I'm runnin' 'til I do finally gain some control over my destination. I am runnin' to Caroline. I make out her headstone through ym blurry vision and run up to it.

I reach the top of the quiet hill The only sounds in the air is the soft whispers of the winds and the melody inthe birds sing. My legs give way and I collapse front of her and fall I to a heap of nothin'ness.

The brownin' grass tickles my arms and dead leaves tickles my cheeks, but I don't hardly notice them. The wind gradually grow stronger and I feel a few trickles of rain splatter my windswept hair.

This only makes me weep even more intensely than before. Flash backs of the wretched day flood my mind and I go numb.

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I continue walking the trail until it feels like I've been walking for, well, forever. I'm 'bout to give up and get Pa to find her when I stop dead in my tracks.

I can see her. Caroline is layin' on the ground her body sprawled out. I can feel panic surge through me, and I hike up my dress and run to her side.

"Caroline?!" I ask my voice crackin' with fear.

Maybe she is just nappin'? But, as I crouch down to wake her up, I see her damp hair matted with blood. Her arms have dark bruises formin'. I gently shake her shoulder, but her body's limp.

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The pain I'm feelin' is excruciating and I scream in agony. Why did Carrie have to leave us? Why couldn't she have been okay?

As I sit there sobbin' a sudden realization hits me. My stomach twist so violently I feel as if I'mma puke.

It is my fault. If I was faster than I would have found her in time. If I had just run quicker to Pay and them to Ma, then Dr. Baker could have saved her.

I had killed my little sister...