Not when I can't trust you

Start from the beginning
                                    

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You opened your eyes. It was quiet. It was always quiet though. However this silence felt different, It was kind of peaceful. You were lying on your stomach with your arms supporting your head. It was the only position that you found comfortable while you were sleeping. It took a few moments for your brain to get out of the fog of sleep. You let out a big sigh as you turned your head to the left and saw Hoolan laying a couple of feet from you. He was asleep. His eyes were closed, that seemed like the first time you had ever seen his eyes closed.

Something was off though. He had a bluish tinge to his skin. His mouth was slightly parted too. He wasn't even breathing. He looked dead. It was then that you noticed a little reddish orange cord trailing out from his ear. Your eye's followed the cord, the farther it got away from Hoolan the closer it got to you. You started to get a little scared as you realized the cord trailed up your back as well. You turned your head to look at your back and screamed.

Hoolan was on your back. Actual sea spider Hoolan. He had some of your hair in his mandibles and was staring at you with his beady little eyes. You scrambled to your knees, still crying out. Hoolan scurried off your back and walked backward back to Hubert's corps. His gaze never leaving your frightened form. The sound caught in your throat as you watched his legs turn into was looked like liquid and he slipped into Hubert's ear. The body twitched a couple of times before His eyes flung open and you were once again ensnared in his black gaze. He sat up, bringing himself to his knees as well. He reached out to you in a comforting manner.

" I'm sorry." He said in his rough, growly voice. " I wanted to feel your hair, but it's not the same when I touch you through these hands." He looked down at his hands. They looked as stiff as ever. You looked down at your hands as well. It looked like there were some parts of the body that Hoolan couldn't control that well, which would be understandable because in his natural form he is a sea spider, you thought to yourself. Yet again who's to say what is natural form actually is.

You felt his stiff hands grab yours and jumped a little, slowly looking back up to his eyes. They were so close to yours that you could see tour reflection in the dim blue light. He didn't say anything, but he kept staring at you as he grabbed your other hand as well and slowly started to rub them. it was awkward. It looked like he didn't even really know what he was doing, but as he continued to rub your hands, the friction created started to bring a little warmth back to your hands.

you unconsciously sighed in content and closed your eyes, enjoying the small feeling of warmth. Even if it was little. you felt him reach up and brush his hands through your hair and you jumped back. your eyes flew open as you did so. you ignored the hurt look in his eyes and the way his hands clenched into fists.

"Why." You whispered out.

" I already told you Polyp," he replied looking at you intently.

" No, why are you using Hubert like that, couldn't you have made yourself look like a human?" He was quiet for a minute after that looking down in thought. You couldn't tell if he was thinking for himself why or wondering how much he was going to tell you. the silence in the air was deafening as the suspense raised. The very air around Hoolan started to shift as if he was getting frustrated. For once he wasn't looking at you but at the ground. The silence really only lasted for about thirty seconds, but to you, it seemed like thirty minutes. Finally, he looked back up at you, with a slight tilt of his head.

" The main reason I do," He began, his voice was quiet. " Is because you were so close to him. I felt that if I were to use his body as a vassal than you would feel more comfortable around me." you stiffened up at his words. A flare of anger rising up within your chest. He continued. " Also, it wouldn't be the same if I mad myself to look like a Human, I would look like my natural self in the shape of a Human, and that would defeat the purpose of me using this body." He reached out to you again and cupped your chin in his hands. You stiffened but didn't pull away. You slowly opened your mouth, trying not to let your anger spill out.

" If you thought killing my friend and wearing his body like a Fucking outfit was going to make me feel better around you than your wrong, it only does the opposite." He looked back down at the ground. tensing up again. the grip on your chin becoming slightly tighter.

" why can't you just give me a chance Polyp." After that sentence, you pushed his hand away from you.

" Don't call me little nicknames like we are some old married couple!" you spat out at him rising to your feet. He looked up at you with those black eyes that you almost never could tell his emotion from. " I won't give you a chance! You killed innocent people! My friends! And kidnapped me and are keeping me in a cave under the ocean. That's not what humans do to each other Hoolan... that's not love." He was looking at you with wide eyes now, an almost lost expression in his eyes. " I won't give you that chance." With that you turned around, heading for the other end of the cave.

You screamed when a vice-like grip clamped around your shoulder and spun you back around. facing straight into black eyes boiling with fury. You struggled and thrashed, screaming at Hoolan to let you go. His grip only got harder on your shoulders the more you fought.

" If you would just give me a chance then things would be better! If you would trust me then maybe I would take you to a different place, where the sun shines, But I can't because you won't give me that chance, You would only run away and get yourself and others hurt." he seethed out. His ice-cold breath fanning across your face. It smelled like rotten meat and you cringed from the awful aroma.

Silence reigned out when your stomach growled. Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment and you looked down to the ground. Hoolan let go of your shoulders and turned back a step.

" I'm going to go get you something to eat, I will be back in a little bit. But please Polyp, Please understand, that I really do love you, and I want to make you happy, but I can't do that if we both don't trust each other, we can discuss this more when you've been fed." he walked backwards toward the inky black pool at the front of the cave. His gaze never leaving yours. When he got to the pool he turned and disappeared into the black water without so much as a sound.

The moment he was gone you collapsed to your knees. Sobbing out all of the pain and anger you have been holding in for the last few days. You had never felt so hopeless before. You wanted all of your friends back, you wanted the Hoolan who was the adorable little curiosity and not the murderous, possessive demon controlling one of your friends.

you needed a place where you would be free from the ever watching gaze of that monster. You shakily got back to your feet, whipping your face with your hands and still letting out a couple of sobs as you made your way over to the little tunnel. When you got to the opening you got down on your hands and knees and climbed in backward into the little pathway. You didn't want to crawl backward going out.
Once you got to the end you curled yourself up into a little ball and wept silently until the dark clutches of sleep took you away.

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