It's Quiet Uptown

Bonus Chapter One: A Letter

A/N: Yes, it's only the first! I intend to release one more on Wednesday this week. Enjoy!

Dear Lin,

If you are reading this when I intended - six months after you found the letters - you probably know I did not wish to leave you.

I will lay it out here, for I can't lie to the man I love any longer.

But before you read, just know that I hurt just as much as you when I walked out that door.

Many years ago, I dated a man named Nathan Woodfield. Both of us had only recently come out and reveled in the feeling of having an open relationship. Because of this, we did not love each other, at least not much.

We were each other's experiments, ways to explore this new world we'd just entered. And that is exactly why we went wrong.

I started to tire of him and brought up leaving. He freaked out, obviously terrified to lose his only substantial link to the gay world. I felt bad, so stayed with him. He fell further and further into a fixation on me. And suddenly, that fixation turned violent.

Things went real bad real quick, love. I still have nightmares about what he did, and he is the main reason why I never like anyone calling me Jon.

But then you came into my life and brought such light I had no choice but to not dwell on dark memories. You really do outshine the morning sun.

There really is no way to tell you just how much I adore you, Lin. No way to phrase how much of me screamed against my actions.

I did not want to leave you. It was not my choice.

Woodfield was convicted and thrown into prison, recently gaining parole. He sent me photos of our apartment, threatening action against my boys.

So I left, for your's and Sebby's safety. I will always put myself on the chopping block so that you can live another day.

Please, please, please, do not think too badly of me.

Another thing - do not chase Nathan down. He loathes you and will kill you if he sees you again. Do not make my sacrifice to be in vain.

For in the end, my happy place will always remain a beach, where you and I stand, fingers intertwined, rings gleaming.

Even though I am no longer with you, just remember with this; every space in between your fingers was made to hold mine.

I love you, Lin-Manuel Miranda, to the moon and back.