It's Quiet Uptown

Chapter Ten: Graveside Revelations

A/N: So, I took some liberties with this one. I moved Vanessa's birthday from August 18th to February 21st. It fits the timeline better and sets up the chain of events I'd previously planned. I'm also planning on releasing an extra chapter next Thursday, as it is Thanksgiving, an American holiday. So yay, holiday, to my American readers, and yay, an extra chapter, to my European ones!

And also, the upcoming chapters are gonna be... intense, so to speak. Prepare yourselves. But Grofflin is on its way to realistically happen! Enjoy!

Four Months Later

Lin's POV

    I rested my chin on my knees, staring at Vanessa's gravestone.

    It was Saturday, February 14th, Valentine's Day, and I'd come out to visit my wife with a bouquet of purple flowers after the second show at 8 pm.

    "Hello, love," I said quietly. "It's Valentine's Day. Since you have no use for chocolate, I brought your favorite flowers."

    I laid them carefully on her grave, spreading them on the snow. They were fake flowers, so they'd last longer, but they looked far better on the pristine white snow than in the fake pot that stood on her grave-plaque.

    "So," I started as I settled back down on the cold snow. "Sebastian said 'dada' for the first time last week. Groff and I were playing with him, and he just straightened and looked at me, and out it came. I cried a little since you weren't there, but I knew you were proud, wherever you are."

    I talked to her grave for a while, updating her on my life and Sebastian's. I'd come here twice before and felt it therapeutic to talk to my dead wife.

    Finally, when I ran out of things to talk about, I let the tears slip down my cheeks. "I miss you," I whispered longingly. "Every day, I wake up and you aren't there. It just... hurts. At first, it was like I couldn't breathe. Now, though, 5 months later, it's easier. It's hard to believe it's only been 5 months without you. It feels like so much longer."

    Finally, with nothing else to say, I took a deep breath. Time to talk about what I'd come here to do.

    "I know you aren't here, but I just feel like I need to talk to you about this. Groff... Jonathan... he's been my rock since you died. Honestly, if it wasn't for him, I don't know how I would have coped. He saved me. And as time goes by, I've realized... He means more to me now. He's more than just a best friend. I can tell him anything, he supports and understands me, and a million other things."

    I allowed myself a brief smile. "It's just like how you and I were. I think... I think I'm starting to fall in love again."

    My heart began to hammer. There it was. I'd laid my cards on the table. But it just felt wrong. My wife, who'd I loved for years, had only died 5 months ago, and here I was, falling in love with another. What kind of respect was that?

    "But it feels wrong, Vanessa," I whispered. "I'm still grieving. I probably will for the rest of my life. But is it right to forget someone you loved so quickly?"

    I swiped at my eyes. Stupid tears. "I'm so afraid of getting hurt again. So, so afraid. What if he doesn't like me back? What if, what if, what if? Is this how I want you to be remembered? What will Sebastian think when he's older?"

    I raised my head, staring out at the white snow that blanketed the graveyard, listening to the song of the city. Moonlight streamed in from the sky, bouncing off the snow. An indeterminable amount of time passed as I just sat there with the buried body of my wife, thinking about my future.

    Finally, I got up, chilled to the bone. "Well, just know I love you, 'Nessa," I said. "No matter what. Forever and always. Yes, I like Groff as more than just a friend, but I'm not gonna initiate anything. I just don't think I'm ready."

    I started to walk towards my waiting car, then stopped to look back. "I'll bring our son with me when I visit for your birthday next week," I said sadly, then crunched my way through the layer of white.

*  *  *  *

Groff's POV

    I held Sebastian on the couch, wondering (with no small twinge of sadness) of what this Valentine's Day would be like if Vanessa hadn't died.

    Lin would have bounded into work like an overexcited puppy with plans to shower his wife with gifts. He usually wrote her a little ditty or a poem every year and would perform it for us for constructive criticism.

    Today, Lin had come into work smelling like alcohol. I was just heartbroken. He hadn't turned to it during these past few months, but it looked like today held too many sad memories for him to continue that streak.

    After work, Lin had gobbled a snack and headed out to visit her without a word to me. I hid the alcohol after he left, afraid that he'd end up drunk. I couldn't let him fall into substance abuse. It went against my oath.

    The door opened suddenly, making me jump. Lin walked into the living room and flopped onto the black couch beside me. I placed Sebastian on the couch, unsure if Lin wanted to hold him.

    "Hey, Lin," I said hesitatingly. "Do you feel better?"

    He blew at the strands of black hair draped across his face. "Yes and no. It felt nice to update her on what's happened, but..."

    I heard the tell-tale hitch in his voice and immediately moved to encircle him in my arms. For a second, he stiffened. But then he relaxed and put his head on my shoulder. He started to shake as I stroked his back.

    "It's alright," I said as Lin dissolved into tears. "I'm here."

    He lifted his face and smiled at me. Heat bloomed in my cheeks when I noticed how close his face was to mine, and I could've sworn his eyes darted down to my lips.

    "I'm so glad you are," he said quietly. "When you're next to me, I feel like I can overcome anything, Groffsauce."

    I hugged him closer, and we stayed that way for quite a while.