It's Quiet Uptown

Chapter Eight: Curtain Call

Lin's POV

    Jonathan kind of just moved in over the weekend.

    "Lin?" he had asked me on Sunday, his handsome face serious. "Should I just move in? I haven't stayed in my apartment for days, and I'd be able to save quite a bit if I don't have to just pay rent."

    I flushed, ashamed. I hadn't even thought about the fact that Groffsauce hadn't left my side since Vanessa's death. His very presence was a soothing balm to the gaping wound in my heart, and to be honest, I didn't want him to leave.

     "Stay," I blurted. "Please. I'd probably fall apart if you left. I'm... I'm a mess. I've cried more in this past week than I have in my entire life. Sebastian's doctor visit left me more confused than I had been. I have no idea how to parent! But when you're around..." 

    I slowly turned my downcast expression into a smirk aimed at him. "Your gay ass reminds me that I could be in a worse situation."

    Groff pouted at me. "And here I was, ready to have a heart to heart," he whined. "Oh well. Guess you need someone to make sure you don't drop your kid on his head."

    "I'm not that helpless!" I protested.

    "Honey," Groff looked me dead in the eye. "You are a Puerto-Rican ball of energy, but you are clueless."

    I mock-frowned at him, but my heart hadn't felt so light in days. That was one worry off my shoulders. Groff wouldn't leave me.

    As I left to collect my Hamilton things (we were leaving to go to the theater right now) I could have sworn a gleeful smile spread across Groff's face. I dismissed it, though. Probably just seeing things.

*   *   *   *

    After Groff and I dropped Sebby off at my mom and dad's, I started to grow nervous. Groff still wasn't letting me drive, so I sat in the passenger seat. I smelled Vanessa's perfume and a wave of emotion crashed over me. I shoved away the grief angrily. Hamilton was starting in four hours. I couldn't be an emotional mess today.

    For some stupid reason, I was actually super nervous. It wasn't the words - heck, I knew them all by heart. Rather, the songs. How was I going to make it through Act 2, with the multiple deaths, betrayal of Eliza, and 'seeing the other side'?

    The inhuman Groff somehow noticed my downturn in mood. Honestly, it was like he was constantly watching my face for some reason.

    "You hyped for the show?" he asked.

    I huffed. "Of course."

    Groff shot a quick look at me before he had to turn his eyes back to the road.

    I sighed. "Alright, no. It's just... going to be hard, you know? It's Quiet Uptown, Stay Alive, basically all my scenes with Pippa."

    The knot of grief in my chest chose that moment to throb, and tears started to form in my eyes again. No more tears, I silently begged. If you start crying now, you'll never stop.

    Groff silently reached out a hand, and I took it. The rest of the ride to the Richards Rodgers Theater was spent in silence, gripping each other's hands. It felt... therapeutic.

    Groff let me out in front of the theater and drove away to a nearby parking garage. No one usually drove to the theater, but I had decided I wasn't up to the journey by subway.

    Taking a deep breath, I opened the cast entrance and slipped inside, dodging people as I rushed to my dressing room. I don't know why I was avoiding everyone, but to be honest, the only people I felt truly comfortable around was my son and Groff.

    I opened the door and savored the sight of it. It was my home away from home, full of things that wouldn't remind me of Vanessa. I couldn't break down. My cast needed me.

    I decided to go shower, and by the time I got back, Leslie was sitting in my dressing room.

    "Hey, Lin," he said softly. He looked incredibly guilty.

    I continued to towel my hair as I walked past him. "Hey, Leslie. What's up?"

    "I'm sorry!" he burst out, grief on his face. "I'm sorry I wasn't at the delivery to help you. I'm such a bad friend."

    I stopped in my tracks. Leslie was honestly the most put together of all of us. He'd recorded and put out an album while learning Hamilton and had a good home life with his kids and wife despite having to dedicate a large chunk of his time to Hamilton. He's experienced with life. He should know I didn't blame him.

    "Leslie, don't be ridiculous. Of course I don't blame you," I said gently. Even so, his handsome face still looked miserable.

    "I know, I just... feel like things would have gone differently if I was there, you know? Like it's my fault Vanessa died, and that you retreated for so long. I should have been there."

    I shook my head furiously. "No playing the blame game, man. If I can't blame myself for Vanessa's death, then you can't blame yourself for me retreating."

    There was a soft knock at the door. It swung open to reveal Pippa, Renee, Chris, Daveed, Oak, Jasmine, Anthony, and Javier.

    Pippa cleared her throat and said, "We're all sorry, Lin. We weren't there for you when you went through what you did. We're all so terribly sorry." Her breath caught, and the first glimmer of tears appeared in her soft brown eyes.

    "Hey," I said, looking all of them in the eyes. "I don't blame you. It was a period I needed. I just had to get away and grieve by myself. Don't blame yourselves for not being there. I mean, you all have to put up with me like six hours a day. I think further exposure would have driven everyone mad."

    They all chuckled weakly.

    "But I'm coping," I continued. "Yes, it's hard. No, I'm not alright. But you all have already helped," I paused, fighting down the lump in my throat, "so much. The It's Quiet Uptown thing - it helped me realize just how good a friend every last one of you are. That you would take time out of your busy lives to rewrite the lyrics, put it to song, rehearse, it just means so much. So much."

    Tears started to trickle down my face, and I wiped them away with a gruff smile. "Look at that. You've made me cry. Dammit, maybe you aren't such good friends after all."

    Pippa, bless her heart, rushed forward and hugged me tightly. The other girls followed, and soon I was hugging and crying into everyone. Oh well. So much for holding it together.

    The next few hours passed in a blur. I made sure I spent time with everyone, often just popping into a random dressing room to chat. I laughed, I cried, and I just spent some quality time with my friends. I'd never felt so close to them all.

    It got so far that I was barely ready by the time the 5-minute curtain call came. Just before everyone went on, Pippa grabbed my hand. I grabbed Daveed's, Daveed grabbed Oak's, Oak grabbed Renee's, and so on until everyone had joined the circle.

    Leslie, who was religious, started a prayer. He prayed for the audience, the play, those in it... but it was what he said at the end that truly touched my heart.

    "Lord, one of our group's wife recently returned to your heavenly arms. We all grieve but know she is once again by your side, living in the heaven you made. Please lay your healing hand upon her husband, whose loss we all feel. Help him heal, Lord, and remember that his friends will do anything in their power to help him recover. Amen."

    I walked over to Leslie and just hugged him.

    Everyone needed to get in position, so I grabbed my coat and stepped into the spotlight, calm and ready. I could get through this. I would get through this.

    There's a million things I haven't done, but just you wait. Just you wait.

    I immediately smirked at the cheesiness as the music started.