23. My Person

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"You don't know me

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"You don't know me. You only know what I allow you to know."


When I quietly jumped into Cayden's room through the window, my feet landing on his floor, I was instantly circled by warmth. A lingering sensation of ghostly silence and loneliness, my greatest fear, filled my lungs.

I didn't get the opportunity to take a look at Cayden's room because my heart sank when I found him sitting on the floor by his double sized bed. Long legs outstretched before him, he lurched forward, head dropped in his lap as his fingers were tangled in his messy hair. He was pulling immensely and furiously hard on his raven locks as if attempting to pull them out. His whole body was shaking tremendously and I could hear his heavy breathing, reflecting the uncontrollable anxiety he was consumed by.

Shaky breaths escaping my mouth, I balled my trembling hands into fists and tears dwelled up in my eyes when a sudden flashback rolled into my memory and I saw myself instead of Cayden on the floor one time after John left when he was done with me for the night.

I felt like I was dying at that moment. That's how bad it was. When it was over, I had nobody to go to. Nobody to lean on. I knew perfectly well how that loneliness felt and how it made every inch of you feel so miserably hollow. Like you had been drained of everything you had in you, leaving no trace of aliveness.

I was scared right now. Really scared. No doubt. Maybe because the hell I had been through was now displayed right in front of my eyes, leaving a haunting feeling of fear within me. But when I blinked several times so the flashback faded, and a trembling Cayden returned, my priorities were set straight.

Cayden, my best friend, was suffering, and I needed to be there for him. No matter how dark the memory was, the guy I cared about was in a terrible state and there was no way I was going to leave him alone. No way.

Thus, after inhaling a deep breath and briefly smacking my palms against my cheeks to push the dark memory further away, I quietly walked over to him and crouched down in front of him. After very carefully placing my hand on his shoulder, I softly whispered, "Cayden."

Almost like he was numb to my touch and to my voice, Cayden didn't react to any of them. Instead, his body continued to shake of immense fear and panic.

I tried again, but it didn't work. Instead, the trembling increased and so did the heart-wrenching whimpering.

Even though I could sense the feeling of helplessness kick in, I wasn't going to give up so easily.
I tried again. This time, I gently gripped both of his shoulders and felt my stomach twist when his muscles continued to tremble underneath my palms.

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