Faltering

Chapter 10

 

        When I finally hit the hallway on the way to my room, my heart can’t help but to thump while walking closer to my old beloveds room. Or so I think he is. After the coffee, I realise that I would probably be better off without him. My eyes turn to the right when I hear the door next to us unlock. Please be Cal. When I turn to Tillie all I can feel is someone grabbing onto my shoulder and pulling me into their room.

                “What the hell!” I turn quickly to see who pretty much kidnapped me.

When my eyes meet the face of despair, I can't help but to be pissed when he locks all of the doors behind me.

Fuck.

                “Hansen, hear me out. Don’t leave please.” He adds locking the last part of the only way out of here.

        I can't speak to him, I can't even look at his face. I'm so disgusted from last nights “incident”. Just peeking at him makes me think of that scum having his bandana in her panties. I'm so grossed out when I put that into my mind so I back away from him more and look to the ground which seems to be the safest thing right now. I have no words for him, nor do I even need to look at him.

                “Babe, come on.” His presence becomes closer as I back away from him more and more.

My chin meets with his pointer finger attempting to pull my face up towards him. It fails to work. I resist, I won't let him push me around anymore.

                “I was so drunk Hansen, I had like six shots plus another pint including that thing they give you when you walk into th-” I can't help but to cut him off there so he doesn't waste his breath any longer.

                “Save it, you lost my trust, I don't buy this shit. You are better off with Sa-.”

                “Sage!? Dont say that! Dont!” Staring at his eyes, all I can see are his pupils going small and jaw clench hard.

Ash comes to me, holding my head so that we are both nose to nose and foreheads touching. His breath heats up my face as he repeats his last words whispering.

                “Dont, dont say that. Don't.”  My attention is on his eyes as they soften from wide to almost closed as he takes one hand from my jaw and looks down to wipe them.

        His dimples deepen as he tries smiling to cover up his almost emotional breakdown. This is a side of him that I have never seen. I am in complete shock as he shakes his head and takes his hair garment off by knocking it off when he releases his hold of me. His deep breaths create a barrier between him and I while he paces back and forth in his and Cal’s room.

                “You don't want to be with me?” I'm asked when he makes his way to face me once more with his hands in his front jean pockets.

His lips rub together and he starts to pay more attention to the wall on the left of him than me. I can’t find any words to say, so I give him a stare showing how I am sick of the shit he has put me through.

                “Wow. Okay. You don't want this anymore...”  His hands soon come out of his pocket and he rubs his temples down to his chin.

His jaw begins to tighten again after his fake smile smears off and he starts to appear agitated.

                “Maybe you are right! I could be better off with Sage!” He doesn’t mean that.

He loves me.

        Why would he say such a thing to me? I didnt think that he would actually think that over as a good idea. I only said it because I wanted him to hopefully deny it which he did at first but what the hell just happened? My bottom lip tremors and I break out in tears trying to stop myself by blinking and looking up to the ceiling.

                “You don’t mean that Ashton. You are saying this because you're mad.” I can feel my cheeks go red from the heat that's boiling up inside of me.

                “No, I mean we could go and live back in Australia with no problem. We can travel like we did that day when we both headed to be transfers.” He nonchalantly says shrugging and still looking away.

        His eyes are bloodshot from tearing up and his nose is pink from trying not to burst out crying. He is just saying all of this Hansen. To be really honest with myself, that really hurt and even though he is a crappy boyfriend, I love him, or loved him. Either way, it stings to hear your boyfriend of a year and a half come out with that sentence. He quit on me. That was the confirmation that this should be over and I need to accept that. After all the work we put into this relationship, its gone.

                “I’m leaving now, have a nice life Ash. Hope you and her work out.” I smile genuinely hoping him life happiness but still sad as hell to be leaving him like this.

It seems so petty that I’m leaving him over this, but he has done so much over the year to make me go nuts and flirting with girls didn't end and it never will. Sage will find that out one day, I feel bad for her but he’s her problem now and I’m free. Single. My last words rage him into unlocking the door and rushing me out.

                “Just go.” He picks his last weapon of choice and uses it before I leave by pushing me on the back to hurry me out.

                “Don’t touch me!” My hand slaps him when I get out into the hallway and he turns around to slam the door on me.

So that was it. We are done.

Officially.