Being Butch Green || ✓

Chapter 1 - Stolen Things are Always the Best

"Fuck!" I murmured angrily, rubbing my poor eye with my spare hand.

An anxious pit deep inside my stomach slowly grew as I realized it could be them. The agents. The one's from the highway that I knew were trailing me. I had their stolen file - not my own - and they wanted the retched thing back. Well, not tonight fuckers! Almost automatically, my foot pressed down harder on the gas until a little figure in my peripheral vision snapped at my attention span.

A Hawaiian hula girl sat perched on the dashboard, her head bouncing around with every jolt, and her glossy, fat stomach swinging in the opposite direction. It was the single most disturbing bobble-head I've ever seen; worse than the one of Sco-Mo in a pink dress. Her face smiled rosily at me, but her eyes scrutinized every move I made.

"What?" I said aggressively to her, narrowing my eyes.

She continued to bobble her little happy face rudely with every jolt.

"Right. That's it! If you're not going to comply with my request and deal with my driving capabilities, which by the way are excellent, then I guess you're going to go out the window," I said, plucking her from her perch and tossing her out the ajar glass.

I was wrong to do that, however, because the moment I did, the truck lurched into a particularly large pothole. The yellow file that had been sitting quietly on the seat beside me bounced off the red leather cushioning, letting all of its contents spew out onto the car's floor.

I looked down at it, my eye catching on a piece of paper. It was the most terrifying one. A pear-shaped face peeked back at me. She was hidden behind the most hideous scribbled green crayon monster. I frowned.

"When on earth did I draw that one?"

I sighed knowing I was too tired to remember ever getting a little creative with some dangerous information.

A jolt of the car turned my attention back to the expanding road. It flowed out like a never-ending piece of ribbon, winding in and out of the dense woodland trees. The number of houses decreased into a sparse scattering and coupled with the eeriness of the tall Australian eucalyptus trees, I felt like I was heading straight down into Hell. The lonesome beam of light caught the reflection of two beady red eyes, reminding me of the Creepypasta involving a deranged cat. I shuddered as the animal stared me down from its perch on the tree branch. I passed by underneath; a large dollop of possum faeces landing on the windshield.

"Oh, come on!" I yelled in frustration as the turd created a streak down my line of vision. I intently stared at the road, trying to see through the brown mess, but I only scowled, letting it take my vision down the windscreen and to a flicker of light. My eyes slowly wandered over to the one lonely beam of radiance as it flickered more profusely from the car.

"No! No! No! Come on girl! Hold in there! You can do it!" I shouted out over the steering wheel.

The light appeared to stabilize itself for a second, before flickering rapidly again as if it were thinking of a response.

"Oh, come on boy! I believe in you!"

I shook my head watching as the light stabilized again.

"What am I doing?" I whispered under my breath, conscious this time not to damage the truck's feelings and misplace its gender title.

Flickering one last time, the light went off, leaving me driving blindly in the dark.

"Fuck!" I hit the car's steering wheel, stamping down hard on the brakes. The wheels screeched and moaned, begging for me to stop. The strain was taking its toll as I skidded along, smoke billowing from beneath me for several feet. The black ice tried to maintain traction with the tyres, before I came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the road.