Love & Pain: Rain

What Led To This.

Naïve innocent me,
16 and a dream,
Not knowing exaclty what life really is,
Not knowing what was coming ahead.

Heart out for everyone,
Smile out for everyone,
Even for those that didn't deserved it.

Silly me,
Thought everyone is good.

Hiding behind her parents,
Always holding their hands,
Always taking care of her.

Followed everyone,
Listened everyone.
No one did the same to her.

Invisible,
A zero on the right side.

Still,
Dumb enough not to realize.

New school,
New people,
Unknown people.

Met the right people,
Dumb me went with the other ones,
The wrong ones.

Foolish me,
Believed the little fox with a face of a bunny,
Lived of an illusion.
Cried in desolation.

A feeling to get rid of.

People's attitude to get used to,
People's evil nature to get used to.

Unfairness of life,
Of this life to get used to.

At the end,
This life and this world is all about following the ones who rule us.

How stupid is that?

I'm not that.
I wasn't born to that.
I deny to let others take advantage of people.

There's not such thing as weak people,
There are only weak spirits,
Spirits that have been made weak because of people not speaking up and letting others step on them, spit at them, humiliate them.

I learned this,
This past two years have led to this,
To this new me.

Am I happy for it?
Yes.

I used to be this smiley dumb girl,
I allowed a lot of people fool me,
Take advantage of the good in me.
I allowed a lot of people let out their shit on me,
I let in the wrong people,
I gave my happiness to the wrong people,
I shared my soul with the worst people.
I let them step on me,
I let them stab me in the back.
I let them bite me with their snakey teeth,
I let them laugh at me.

I let the wrong ones in.

2019 me talking here,
I was absurdly dumb to forgive those who never have to be forgiven.

It's okay though,
I'm fine now.

I've moved on.

I used to write about love.
I used to cry.
I used to feel empty.
I used to give away my love to anyone.
I used to give my smile away.

Can call me coldhearted now,
Might be right,
I don't care,
I now take care of myself,
I take care of my heart.

But I'm thankful to those that inspired this book,
It made me stronger.
And it's not over yet,
Life, this journey, my story isn't over.

I'm preparing myself,
To another time I see those again,
I'll smile proudly,
I won't insult them, I won't let my middle finger out,
There won't be no need.
I'll just smile.
Smile proudly of myself,
That I was able to move on,
I got my strength and confidence back,
And they won't have it.

They'll feel the same emptiness I once felt,
They'll cry desperately like I did many times,
They'll feel sad,
They'll cry and try to move on,
And they won't ever get out of that hole,
I'm not wishing bad things for them,
No.

It's just that,
We all cave our own path,
Our own hole.

They did that to themselves.
Now they'll pay the price.
Forever.

I didn't used to be this strong.
Now I'm thankful.
Their hate led to this words, to this book.
Words made me stronger.
And like I said, this... isn't over.