Love & Pain: Rain

Him.

It made me laugh,
The way that I was almost over him,
I wanted to, though,
I wanted to forget him.

Fuck, I had to.

I made myself be in pain,
I knew that he didn't felt the same,
I fucking knew it.

What could I do?
Forget him out of nowhere? No.
I wasn't that strong.

Maybe my feelings were truly real
Maybe I even loved him,
Maybe it was the first time,
Maybe it wouldn't happen again.

But it wasn't fair.

The things I've been through,
The pain and the tears.

The agony. The burns.

I knew well,
That he had something,
The essence of being him,
That had me caught.

Captivated by his rare charm,
By his loud but chill laugh,
By his sometimes rough voice,
By the way he gets mad by things not so easily,
By his brown eyes, that held secrets behind,
By his basketball skills that I admired tons,
By everything that made... him.

It was just him.
Just he.
Without any effort on surprising me,
He caught me. He just did it.

I never thought I would be so deep in love.

I've been bewitched.
By something so simple and rare,
By someone so simple, gentle and rare.
By someone as unique as he.

My body, my heart, my brain, my soul,
Is all in pain, by he.

I'm in tears,
And for everyone I'm just laughing.

I hide my pain well, though,
I say I'm good, when I'm not.
I can talk with him when all I think
Is in the time he's gonna realize I wanna kiss him.

I sigh heavily while I write this,
Because I know better that my pain,
All that pain I've been keeping in the back,
It's coming out in letters.

My fingers tremble,
My head aches in thinking so much about him.

While I bet he's comfortably sleeping in his bed.
Not even remembering me.
Not even thinking about me.
Not giving any fuck for me.

God,
It's midnight,
And I got a hole in my chest and heart,
And it won't ever be cured.

I wanna be with him,
Hug him, laugh at his side,
Dive in his smell and arms,
And dance with him.

I don't get no peace,
Always, always thinking of him.

I pray for him,
I pray and pray,
And hope,
That maybe, just maybe,
He'll notice. He'll care. He'll love me.

I'm in love with him.
I'm in love. With him.
Only he.

I get this memories from time to time,
Things I should've said,
And things I shouldn't have.

But, everything's uncertain,
I might be alive for loving him tomorrow,
Or I might not.

Life is uncertain.
And maybe he doesn't realize that,
That he might have all this love I'm giving him tomorrow,
Or he might not.

And I'm sure,
No one else is ever gonna give it to him.

I'm the fool in the story.
The loser and the bozo,
The mute and the beated,
And he's the blind.

In either way,
I'll be here, stupidly waiting,
In silence,
For him to love me.

...