Deadman Crawling [m×m]

TWENTY-FIVE

Jace knows that, of course he knows. But he wonders if Eloy can really say what he's saying and mean it. He doesn't want a baby? Their baby? Jace understand the dysphoria, Eloy has explained it to him and he understands, fuck he does, but it's their baby they're talking about.

"I'm sorry," Eloy whispers and walks out the room.

Jace buries his face in his hands.

He knows he could've easily stopped Eloy; his words would've been enough. But Eloy has made his decision and he will never take that away from him. As much as he hates it, as much as he hates watching Eloy go, he doesn't stop him. After all, it's his choice, his body.

Eloy's heart wrenches painfully inside his chest.

He's being practical, he reminds himself.

He's doing the smart thing.

He knocks on the door and waits with bated breath until the door opens.   Alexis looks at him in surprise. Her surprise only growing when he says, "I need your help."

She walks up to Jace who's standing in front of a window watching the sun rise and shine brightly over the horizon. He has a cigarette between his fingers, a cloud of smoke puffing from his lips, and the smell of tobacco surrounding him. She's surprise. She hasn't seen him smoke since... well since forever.

"You're smoking again," she states.

"He's going to die," Jace whispers, "He's so stubborn, so stupid."

"He's being smart, for once," she argues, not quite sure why she's standing up for a person she couldn't care less about.

Except her brother is stressed and is madly in love with the person waiting in the bathroom for her.

He's right though, so many things can go wrong. She's not a trained professional, fuck she could accidentally kill him herself.

"You love him," she whispers.

"I love him," Jace agrees, the words coming smoothly.

And it's the first time Alexis has ever heard him admit his own feelings.

"It'll be alright," she whispers, "we sterilized the wire as much... as much as we could."

Jace nods, "just... just go. Leave me alone."

"You're not... you're not going to be there?" She asks, wincing, because of course he's not.

He shakes his head.

"Okay," she mumbles.

Eloy looks at the bathroom door as it opens, he tries to peek behind Alexis, hopeing that Jace is behind her.

He's not.

Her soft voice brings him back to the present, to his reality and predicament.

"Ready?" She asks.

He nods, feeling numb and sick all over again.

He strips from the bottom down and lays on the floor, looking up at the ceiling.  They chose the bathroom for easy cleanup, for the inevitable stain of red.

Quietly, Alexis perches in front of his legs. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as he slowly, hesitantly, parts his thighs.

It's the cold touch on his thighs, the gut-wrenching fear and disgust he feels for what he's about to do that stops him.

He screams, fuck he screams so loud he's sure he wakes up the kids as he scrambles away from her touch.  Alexis is startled, and she drops the wire with a clatter.

"Eloy?"

Eloy looks at her with wide eyes, breathing coming out in short shallow pants.

"No," he gasps, "no, I'm not ready, I'm not, I can't."

She watches as he curls up, as he cradles his belly almost protectively. She watches as he borders a panic attack, as he hyperventilates with tears in his eyes.

He suddenly can't breathe.

He can't breathe!

Alexis calls out for Sean, orders him to get Jace.

Sean nods, but Jace is already there having heard the commotion and without thinking pushes him aside, even pushes Alexis away.

"I-I-" Eloy chokes, "So-Sor-Sorry."

Jace quickly gathers him in his arms, cradling him against his chest and kissing his head, "Easy, deep breaths, breathe with me. 1, 2, 3, inhale.  That's it, exhale, slowly."

Eloy mimics Jace until he can breathe properly, until he's no longer drowning.

"I'm sorry," he cries weakly.

Jace only holds him tighter. Fuck he's angry, of course he's still angry, but a part of him is relieved, so relieved to have him in his arms.

"I couldn't do it, Jace," Eloy says, trying to tell him, voice urgent, "I didn't. I-"

"It's okay," Jace assures, "I know, sweetheart, I know."

Eloy sobs into his chest, crying his heart out until he passes out.

Jace covers him up and carries him to their room, bypassing Alexis and Sean without a word.

Heavy heart light, an odd feeling he can't describe right.

Not until he looks at Eloy, at the hand cupping his belly subconsciously.

"I love you," he whispers softly, reverently, against Eloy's ear, "I love you, Eloy. You and our baby.  We'll get through this and I'll be damned if we don't survive because now, now, we have something, someone, worth fighting for."