Dance with me Sebastian Stan

Part 16

I woke up after hours of crying . I then got in z hot and long shower to help me wake up . After my shower I was hungry but too lazy to prepare anything , I put on some jogging clothes , I then went in the little coffee shop at the corner of the block .

I took a hot chocolate and a plate of pancakes . I took a seat at the window and watch all the people walk around the busy street of New York . I took my time eating my breakfast , I then paid for it .

I then went on the other side of the crosswalk and made my way to central park . I run for maybe about an hour , trying to clear my mind from the past , and what happened yesterday . 

I then made my way back to my building , I said a little hello to the steward , I then made my way up to my floor . Once at my apartment , I really wanted , no I needed to dance I put on my training clothes . Ballerina in one hand , the other holding my phone , I made my way to the elevator and to the gym floor . I really hoped  Sebastian wouldn't be there .

 But of course he was here , I quickly made my way to the dance studio door , trying not to be seen , but I had no luck , he saw me , he only offered me a smile and a wave , I didn't return it and opened the door and closed it behind me .

I turn on the light , I put some light music during my stretching , and warm up . I then changed the music and I also turned it louder too , needing to only hear  my music and the sound of my heart while I dance .

With the music blasting in the little studio my mind was really focus only me . I then started dancing giving everything I had in me . I felt the air moving all around me and the feeling of my clothes against my skin . I felt my hair moving around  me with all my move . I heard and felt my heart beating at the same rhythm as the music . All my movement were controlled , I had all control over me . That what I needed , to remind me I had control and felt my body move in sync with the music .

I took break to drink when I needed it , but I kept going for hours , I really needed to dance right now . I kept on for hours putting my mind back at his right place , I kept dancing only focusing on my body and the music blasting all over the room . I was so much focused I didn't even realized I had company . Sebastian quietly opened the door and closed it behind him , he then went on the bench , and watch me dancing , all my fluid movement that seems so hard but also so natural to my body . He maybe watch me for an hour maybe even more , he didn't even knew himself , he was so mesmerize by me  .

I finally took noticed of him , but I didn't stopped dancing , I kept on dancing and he just stayed here  , watching me in aw . I wanted to explain him what happened yesterday , I wanted to simply jump back in his arms . And jut let him hold me , his arms felt really safe last night , and they were really comfortable . But even if my body wanted no , my body didn't want him , my body needed his . His arms to hold me and make me feel safe . But my mind couldn't , I was too scared to be broken again . 

When I needed a break to drink , I acted like he wasn't here . I hated myself to do that but I was scared . I sit on the bench drinking in silence since my playlist ended , he decided to break the silence first .

"I called Sophie yesterday , after you went back to your apartment , I was really worried , I am still worried actually , you scared me yesterday , and I just wanted to let you know that , like you said to me , you can tell me anything , it wont be the end of the world . I really hope you are fine , and I am sorry if I did something you didn't like or if I went too quickly . I just want you to be fine and be  happy . Sophie also told me you needed to be alone but I still wanted to make sure you were fine ." He said honestly . " If you don't want me here I can go if you want me to " He said sadly smiling . 

I didn't said anything , still analyzing his words , he must have thought my silence was some kind of way to  let him know I didn't want him here , he got up from the bench and walked to the door . When he was opening it I finally spoke up "Stay"  I said . He turn around looking at me surprised and confused . "Stay please " I said soundings desperate . 

He walk up to the bench and sit . I got up and sat on the floor in front of him , a meter away . "I am sorry for yesterday , I don't know what Sophie told you , but I'm fine " I said trying to sound really fine .

"She told me you didn't want to give us a chance , I know it's really early but I really would want to give each other a chance , but she told me that it would be impossible  , because of my career as an actor cause I would need to go away to film , and she told me that you  couldn't do long distance relationship , because of your past , but now we are in the present , we could give us a chance ? No ? " He said smiling hopefully  looking at me . 

I smiled back " I really want to give us a chance , you don't even know how much I want to try . Wow that sounded desperate , but  I would really love to give us a chance but I can't , I'm too scared . " I said honestly . 

"That's what I don't understand , what are you scared of ? " He ask nicely .

I sat myself closer to him , I grabbed one of his hands  and put it on my arms were we could feel the almost invisible scares . " I am scared of my old ghost , ghost of my past " I told him , making sure  his hand  would feel the scares . 

"What happened , why ? Why would you do that ??" He ask sad . Now grabbing both my hands in his .

"I was broken , I was empty . I was in university , my boyfriend was in an university away from mine with my best friend .  I went to  surprise him one time . And I found him cheating on me with my best friend . I was already in a bad place with stress from the university but this just broke me . I don't even know why I tell you all this , I never said it to any guy  ." I said slowly and honestly .

He smiled sadly at me , holding my hand tighter in his , and I felt like our hands were made to be together , mine fit perfectly in his . "Maybe you are telling all this , because you want thing to change and to move on ? Maybe you are saying all this to me cause you thrust me , and you would be able  to give us a chance ? " He said staring in my eyes . 

"I don't know I'm scared you'll hurt me " I honestly said . 

"I promise you I will never ever hurt you in any way I ever could . I really just want you to be happy . If it's with me , well I would love that but I  understand if you are scared and I promised you , I will always be there for you if you want me that is , and in anyway you would need me , I will be there . " He said sounding really honest .

I wanted to give us a chance but I still wasn't sure . " I'll maybe need time , but I really want to give us a chance , there is something special with you , a good special " I said . 

He got up from the bench and helped me up by offering me his hands . We were in front of each other , really close , I wanted to be in his arms and kiss him , but I was scared . I forced myself to forget my ghost , I went on my toes with my ballerina , and i kissed him , a slow an lovely kiss . I felt his hands snake around my waist while mine went around his neck . I again felt firework when our lips touch . I then broke the kiss resting my forehead on his . Eyes still closed I broke the silence .

"I think I'm ready to give us a chance , I don't know why , I told you , you are some type of special , the good one " I said smiling and finally opened my eyes only to see him with a really big smile on his face .

"I promise you , you wont regret it " He said then he hugged me to his chest , holding my waist with one hand and the other cradling my head , while my hands were around his neck with one of my hand burying in his hair . 

It was the perfect hug , our body seems like two missing part of a puzzle , finally in each other arms , I felt safe from everything . I could only hear his heartbeat , that reassure me that this was all real . I finally find someone who I hoped could make my ghost go away one and for all .