Dance with me Sebastian Stan

Part 15

warning : attempt of suicide 

History of (Y/N) :

So I was 16 when I had my first boyfriend, Jeff , he was a real sweetheart , he was my first kiss . Each other first kiss actually that we shared at my 16 birthday party . We were together all high school , everyone thought we would even get married . 

I 18 when he gave me a promised ring , we were at our favorite spot , at the top of a little hill , where we could see the sunset , we would pass every time we got together at this spot , talking , having a picnic  , just watching the cloud pass by and laughing at there strange formed .

We were enjoying a little picnic this summer night , after eating we lied down watching  the sky , in a comfortable silence , until he broke it " (Y/N) I love you , you know that ?" He questioned out of nowhere , I nod in response "I love you so much" He said sitting up , I sat up at his side . "I love you , you make every moment of my life happy , you are the only one that can make me laugh the way you do , you are beautiful and so so smart , I can't even believe you ever accept to be my girlfriend" He got on on knee in front of me , making me gasp in surprise " I want you to make me laugh the way you do for the rest of my life , we are still young so it's only a promise ring , but will you accept it ? Will you make me the happiest man alive and say yes ?" He said tearing up opening a little velvet box with a little cute ring in it . 

Of course I said yes . Then it was the end of high-school , we both got to different university he had a scholarship with an university thanks to the fact that he was a really good baseball player , when I got a scholarship thanks to my ballet dancing skills , but the 2 university were really far far away from each other . My best friend Kat got in the same university than Jeff , they had a program that she really loved .

Jeff and I promised to Skype and call each other every time we could . But the time passed he would call less or the phone call would be shorter than usual .  I thought that was just because it was hard for the both of us to be apart plus university and class . So I wen to surprise him to get him feel better . It didn't worked that well , when I was walking around the campus in the directions I had to find Jeff . I finally found him , but not at all what I was waiting for . He was in dark corner making out with Kat my best friend and my boyfriend making out , together .

I could have made a big scene and break up with him , but I didn't had the strength to do it . I ran away , I ran and ran until I was at my car . Once inside my car I cried and cried . I then dried my eyes , I had nothing else to cry , I was empty .

I made my way back home , I had a week off from university , I wanted to pass the first part with Jeff and then the other at my parents house . So once I was home I was not surprised to see my parents were not home , I had the keys , I made my way in . 

I never felt so depressed in my life , I couldn't handle it . It was all too much . The ballet lessons would demand me even more than usual , I felt empty , and depressed now even more with the view I couldn't put away from my mind . Jeff and Kat , the people I thrust the most in my life , the one I thought I would marry and the one I thought would be by my side . But no , it was not going to be like I dreamed of . I went upstairs , in the bathroom I let the water in the bath tub . I then found some blades , I went in the bath tub , I didn't stop the water from coming . I then cut myself , wanting to end my life once and for all . I saw the bath tub filling in red almost black liquid , I lied back letting the blade out of my hand , and on the bathroom floor . Then it was it all black , the end of my misery .

Or at  least that's what I thought but of what I know my parents found me and call an ambulance just on time . After that I was in a coma for a month or so . When I woke up , the nurses called my parents , they came and hugged me , explaining what  happened . I then told them my version of it , and they text to both Kat and Jeff to never ever try to contact me .

I stayed in the hospital for a week more cause my body was still too weak . Then I stayed 2 months in the psychiatry wing of the hospitals . The only thing keeping me sane was dancing .

After the hospital I was better , I danced everyday which helped me , I finished university . I then started traveling the world and I met Sophie and she was my best friend the first moment I saw her . After some times I knew every little thing of her and she knew me too .

Making me promise to never ever hurt myself again , and she always found a way to cheer me up when I was going back down . After the years of being best friend she really became my sister and I would never broke a promise I made to my sister . I was really better after all this time and the help I got from the outside too .

Author note :

This part might have been a little dark , but life is not always sunny and all about butterflies , so if you ever felt depressed or empty or you have any idea to attempt suicide , please talk to someone , I know it can be hard to ask someone from outside but it will really help you if are in any need . 

I  say with no shame I went to the hospital myself because of depression and it really did helped  .So don't stay silent , if you are not alright don't lie like I used to do and get help , sooner the better .

With all my love to my dear readers , get help if you ever need it don't wait and don't be shy or afraid , and please don't attempt anything that would leave scares behind .