CLEAN MY IMPERFECTIONS [ JACK x ZACH ]

seventeen

Zach woke up from a sweet voice whispering, "Zach, babe wake up." He opened his eyes and saw Jack smiling down at him, "Hey."

"Hi." told Zach in a husky voice. In the mornings his voice dropped thousands of octaves lower, leaving his voice deep like Harry Styles'.

"You passed out in the hall." told Jack while holding onto Zach's hand. 

"It was another attack." told Zach sadly. 

"Asthma?"

"No, it was a schizophrenic hallucination. Jack, those are so rare for me." 

Jack smiled sadly, "Are you taking the pills that are prescribed?"

Fake.

You're the fake one, Zach thought.

Don't take the pills Zach.

Zach started to tear up, "No."

"Why not?" asked Jack softly while kissing Zach's tear stained cheek. 

"The voices, they tell me not to. I have to follow what they say or they won't leave me alone."

Jack noticed the sadness in Zach's eyes as he spoke, "Zach baby, you need to take them. They'll help you feel better, trust me."

And Zach wanted to trust Jack, he wanted to trust Jack so badly, but he needed to trust himself first.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, yes, yes. Those pills will help, take them Zach, they'll help."

Don't listen to him.

He's lying.

That's all he ever does.

~

Don't listen to him.

He's lying.

That's all he ever does.

The voices tend (not tend, they always do) to tell me that Jack's "lying." In everything he does he is supposedly "lying." I know the voices are incorrect, and that's why I'm sat here with two pills clutched in my hand, writing in the journal. 

I never thought of myself as one to write. I think this is a good idea? Writing in a journal to express my feelings somewhere, letting them out of my caged mind.

Woah, since when was I this poetic? 

Hopefully this book will help me solve some mysteries to my stupid schizophrenia and asthma, but honestly I have no faith in either. 

I have faith in Jack. (He's my boyfriend.) He's honestly the only person I have faith in. He's so... amazing. Just, I can't explain. He helps me so much, it makes my stomach do that syncing feeling. 

I think I love him, I just don't know how to say it.

I've never felt the feelings he makes me feel. When I watched him from afar when I had the BIGGEST crush on him he always looked so down, but he still looked beautiful. When does he not?

Okay, I swear I'm never this sappy.

I have the urge to throw the pills in the garbage beside me, but I need to remove this feeling that schizophrenia gives me. It makes me feel like I'm an intruder to my own body, it makes me feel stupid for seeing and hearing things that aren't actually there.

I just want to be normal.

I took the pills.

~~~~~~~~~~

double update :)