Tainted Faith

Thirty Eight: Trentotto [re-written 26/08/21]

Now, the two of them had spent the past three hours barely talking as they both pretended to watch whatever film was playing on the television. 

"What's going on?" Sophia asked abruptly, eyebrows furrowed into a frown. 

Liliana had yet to tell her the news of her pregnancy. She had yet to tell anyone, other than those she had been forced to. The more people she told, after all, the more inescapable this situation became. 

"I have some news..." Liliana trailed off, swallowing around the lump in her throat. Her hands shifted in her lap, grabbing nervously at the lose material of her trousers. Sophia paused the film, turning to face her, and offering Liliana her full attention. 

"Okay..." Sophia trailed softly, looking rightfully worried, waiting for her to continue. When Liliana said nothing more, Sophia asked, "Is something happening with you and Marcello? Is it your dad? Your family in Italy?"

Liliana pursed her lips, cursing herself as those stupid tears of hers burned at the corners of her eyes. When they began to fall, wetting her flushed cheeks, Liliana forced herself to utter, "I'm pregnant."

There was a long pause and for a horrible second, Liliana thought Sophia wasn't going to respond. Or that, like Giovanni, her friend would simply get up and leave the room.

"Okay," Sophia repeated, seeming at a loss for words. She blew out a big breath, nodding slowly as if unable to process the news. "Okay."

Liliana's hands clenched tighter in her lap, creasing the one smooth material. She shifted in her seat, pulling her knees to her chest, hoping to quell the sudden queasiness that plagued her.

"And... this is a bad thing?" Sophia questioned warily.

"I don't know," Liliana confessed honestly, with a shaky voice. She was crying now from frustration; she was frustrated with herself because she couldn't work out her own emotions and opinions, and frustrated with the situation altogether.

"Maybe this will bring you two closer," Sophia said, thought it was clear her words were forced. Liliana shook her head vehemently.

"Things had only just started to shift between me and Marcello, and now with this, and Barbato, I feel like we're stuck in a some strange limbo where neither of us knows where to step around one another. We haven't even had enough time to work through our problems."

"It's understandable to feel overwhelmed by this, it doesn't mean what you're doing is the wrong decision," Sophia reasoned. Liliana didn't even know what she was doing, other than existing, waiting for each day to pass at an agonising pace. "Have you spoken to your doctor about this? Stress is more common than you think in pregnancy. And especially after such a traumatic event, you're bound to be processing everything differently. You're still grieving, it's to be expected to feel this way, but your doctor can help." 

"I don't want to talk to him and have him tell Marcello everything we speak about, and I don't want Marcello to worry more than he should."

"He'd be more worried if you weren't talking to the doctor about this. You're not... you're not thinking about ending the pregnancy, are you?" There was something in Sophia's tone that made Liliana believe she would be judged if she did; something that she wasn't comfortable with. Sophia wasn't one to force her beliefs and opinions onto others.

"No, that isn't an option for me," Liliana stated firmly, once again surprised by how little Sophia understood the rules of this mafia lifestyle. She couldn't divorce, and she certainly couldn't abort any pregnancy. "Though since our talk I don't think Marcello actually wants a child either."