Late Night Thoughts

2 | Deserving Happiness

'Do I deserve to be happy?'

I'm pretty sure this thought haunts you more than anything. Every single time something positive happens in your life, your first thought is- But do I deserve this? Let me tell you my friend. Of course you do. You deserve it all. You earned it. Don't let anyone or anything tell you otherwise.

I know it's rich coming from me, the worst pessimist you'll ever come across. I too have these doubts. I too doubt myself over every achievement, small or big. I push away people who bring out my laughter, because I know that they'll also bring out my tears. Since childhood I've been taught that after too much laughter, comes too many tears. And yes, it's proven itself so many times that it scares the hell out of me. Every time something good happens in my life, the very second I start doubting fate. 'Hmm, what is gonna happen next?'

You see, this is the fear we all have. What will happen next. What new tragedy will life throw at me. What if I don't deserve this? Too many questions, isn't it. This is where we overthink. We doubt ourselves, our capabilities, our motives etc. One second you're happy after having spent the day with your friends, and the next you are crying your eyes out because you don't know when you'll see them again. But does that mean you didn't deserve those few hours of bliss? Of course you did!

Happiness is a complicated emotion. It comes with its pros and cons. What we can do, is enjoy while it lasts. Always remember, there are people whose happiness depends on your happiness. If you're happy, they're happy, and vice-versa. Be it your family, your partner, your best friend etc. Try being happy sometimes just for them. It makes a difference in not just their lives, but also yours.

Sometimes, we feel that happiness shouldn't be in our lives, simply because we're evil. We all have hurt people in the past. We hurt those whom we love. You can't hurt somebody whom you don't love. It's a fact. Which is why when that same person makes you happy, you think you don't deserve them. You push them away. You let your past haunt you, and that's what disturbs your present. You believe that because of you, they had to suffer. So now you have to suffer too. Trust me, these are thoughts that I battle everyday. I'm sure you might too.

But whenever I feel these thoughts overpowering me, I remember the words of my best friend- "No one's perfect. You've hurt me. I've hurt you. And I'm sure we'll hurt each other in future as well. But that shouldn't stop us from being happy, with each other and for each other."

Whenever you feel pessimistic about happiness, try the placebo effect. In psychological terms, it's reverse psychology. If you pretend to be happy, smile a lot for no reason, you'll find yourself being actually happy. You'll find yourself enjoying those little things that bring a smile to your face. You'll start to live life to its fullest once again. Happiness is for all.

You do deserve to be happy. Always remember that.

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