Vikk's P.O.V.
The first time I noticed Josh getting violent was early into my time in the Sidemen house, when he was slamming doors and yelling at us, me especially, and I started to get scared of what was to come. I wasn't sure why I didn't get out when I started noticing that things were off, but I didn't. In fact, I stuck around for years.
It started to move to physical violence not long after we moved into the Sidemen house. JJ was barely there and Simon was often out, with friends or later with his girlfriend, leaving Josh and I alone in the house which gave him an opportunity to strike.
I often found myself locking my door because I didn't trust him to leave me alone and the last thing I wanted was for him to barge in when I was filming with others. I didn't want to reveal what was going on because I knew it would destroy the Sidemen and although I knew that I should tell someone, I couldn't.
There were times it got really bad; I ended up crying on the floor in pain and barely able to move for hours on several occasions and once he fractured one of my ribs. But still, I never told anyone. I went to the doctor with the excuse that I fell down the stairs, he prescribed pain relief and bed rest and that was that. No one knew, hell, I didn't think Josh even knew.
But soon it moved past even physical violence after we had moved into the second Sidemen house. Simon and JJ were both out, JJ training for the boxing match which was still 8 months away, and lord knows where Simon was, maybe with JJ, maybe not.
I was sitting at the kitchen bench sipping a coffee, I was done recording for the day and wanted to relax a bit before going back to editing. I had to prepare some in advance because I was going away for a week and wanted that time to relax, not worry about whether or not I had to film or edit anything and lord knows the fans would let me get off with less than 2 videos a day.
I didn't notice Josh slip into the kitchen and I didn't notice the hungry look he had on his face, but if I had been facing the other way then I would have ran. But I didn't see or hear him until it was too late, one of his arms was around my waist, pinning me down and the other hand was over my mouth to stop me from screaming.
But the worst part was the fact that his lips were on my neck and he was biting down gently, nipping at my skin in what most people would have assumed to be in a loving way, but I knew much better.
I screamed and I fought, dear god I fought, I threw my head back in an effort to headbutt him but my arms were pinned to my sides and he was a good 3 inches taller than me, heavier and stronger. I thrashed in his arms, creating as much commotion as I could but all he had to do was lean across and whisper in my ear and I stopped.
"Be a good boy and accept it, otherwise your little secret will be out there for all the world to see."
As much as I wanted to scream, to fight, to not let this happen, I knew I could. I went basically limp in his arms, only whimpering in fear and pain when he bit down too hard, my heart beating out of my chest because I couldn't risk it.
The other reason I couldn't tell anyone was because Josh had the biggest secret of my entire life held over me and if I mentioned what was going on to anyone then everyone, my friends, my family, my fans, they would all know.
My ultra conservative family would know, and they would disown me. My friends, who made gay jokes and teased Ethan about it even though we all knew he wasn't gay would know, and they would probably leave me in the dust. My fans, the only reason I stuck in the Sidemen and put up with Josh would know, and they would leave me without a job. It was blackmail and I didn't see any way out, because I knew he would keep his word if I told anyone.
