evicted ➳ kryozgaming

thirteen ; far too young to die

j o h n

     The evening was quiet, as it usually was. I thought (Y/N) had gone to sleep already, but I stayed up a little later to finish uploading the video I had planned for tonight. I was maybe about 95% finished with it before I heard a loud thud from a room down the hall. I climbed out of my chair and peered into the bedroom. (Y/N) wasn't there. 

      I peered out and saw the bathroom light on, the door open and her hand across the floor. I panicked and rushed over to her. She was unconscious when I found her. Everything that happened afterwards was a blur of panic, sadness, anger, and worry. The drive over to the hospital was impatiently dreadful. 

     Upon arriving they placed (Y/N) on life support and I could only watch helplessly. Why did I let this happen? I could see that (Y/N) had gotten depressed lately but how could I let it get this far...?

      I feel like a fucking idiot. I was supposed to be there for her whenever she needed it...And I failed this time. I sighed and put my head in my hands. I didn't know what to do. I could only hope she'd come out okay.

      Upon telling everyone, Craig and Sami drove down to check if she was okay. It was nice knowing that even with all the chaos of them moving they still decided to see her. (Y/N) would've appreciated that. 

      I probably didn't sleep for three days, with (Y/N) being on life support for two days and only barely conscious for now. She mostly slept, but she was awake. Doing better, but still struggling. She didn't talk much. Only very rarely to me. I apologized to her countless times, saying how it was my fault and that she didn't deserve this.

      She simply frowned, continuously telling me that it wasn't my fault. I didn't bother arguing with her. I wasn't sure how to help her. Eventually after the hospital released her and she rested at home. The doctors put her on therapy for about two months and said that she not work herself as hard for the time being, get a regular sleep schedule, at least try to be like a regular person again.

       (Y/N)

      "Stay well rested, and don't work yourself as hard. Just try to act like a regular person for now, please?" I scoffed. These doctors are full of bullshit. I'd probably get more therapy by venting on twitter than spending hundreds of dollars on a shitty therapist that could send me to a mental facility at any second.

       Then there was that word. "Regular". I've always hated it. It made me think like I wasn't normal. May as well not even be human. What's the point of being "regular" anyway? Where's the fun in being like everyone else? If my idea of a great personality is making what I love and getting three hours of sleep every day, I'll take it. Maybe I wasn't happy all the time, but goddamn it I was happy.

     A couple weeks had passed since...the situation, but I was feeling a little better. I took a break before starting to record again and getting myself into the jist of things. Most of the time I'd spend in John's recording room, watching him play. Sometimes he offered to let me sit on his lap whenever he was editing and I gladly accepted.

     Still, the thought of everything that's happened brought my spirits down a bit. I did my best not to think about it. After the overdose I was taken off my antidepressants. Leaving me with a bucket of sadness and anxiety to deal with.

     I went to the extent of trying to protect myself from losing it. I privated my twitter account, disabled my Instagram comments, and I stopped reading the comments on my videos.

     My life had become consumed of having enough of the public eye. I didn't want to quit doing what I love, but I didn't want to be hated for it either. Everything I did went against my common morals. Always do what you love and be who you want, regardless of what people think.

      A lot of people always told me to "ignore it". But after a while, it gets harder to grin and bear it. Nonetheless, I had just started to deal with my problems by binge watching Netflix and YouTube and forgetting they exist. You can't have problems if you don't know what they are.

     I came downstairs and found John laying on the couch watching some YouTube. I smiled unconsciously and went over to him, laying on top of him and giggling softly.

      John chuckled and ran his hand through my hair gently. "You feeling better?" He asked softly.

     "Yeah, but I'd feel much better if I got cuddles." I replied. John caught on and immediately wrapped his arms around me and nestled me into a comfortable position. I cuddled into his chest and sighed contently.

      There was a silence between us as we watched the TV screen, occasionally exchanging giggles whenever one of our friends did something stupid. I didn't intend to change the mood of the atmosphere until I uttered out the words.

     "John?" I plainly stated. He directed his gaze towards me.

      "Yeah?" He responded.

      I held my breath before asking. "What would you do if...if what happened with me a couple weeks ago went differently?"

      He frowned and cocked his head sideways. "What do you mean..?"

      "Like...what would have happened if I never made it out okay...if I never made it out at all." I stated softly. He didn't respond for a while.

      "(Y/N), do you know how fucking scared I was when I found you? How scared I was when you spent all those days in the hospital? If you died I...I don't know what I'd do...you mean absolutely everything to me, and if I lost you, then.... I'd never forgive myself."

      "But it wasn't your fault," I began, he cut me off before I could continue.

      "But it's my job to protect you and keep you safe. To be there for you no matter what," he held up my hand and looked at the promise ring he gave me a few months ago. "This is the promise I made to you, (Y/N). And I swear to fucking god the day I break it will be the day I die."

       He placed a small kiss onto my forehead and then onto my lips. Our hands intertwined and the kiss deepened. The kiss started off full of love, trust, and passion. After a while it turned into one full of lust and longing. Memories of our first kiss at the bar flooded back and I bit his lip gently.

      After a while he pulled away and led a trail of kisses from my lips to my neck down to my collarbone. Multiple soft moans escaped my lips and John simply smirked. His hands crept up my shirt but soon stopped, he looked at me with seriousness. "(Y/N), are you sure you wanna do this?"

      "Positive." I replied. He smiled and nodded before shutting off the TV and picking me up and carrying me to the bedroom.

     I think you can guess what happened after that.

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a/n

*insert lenny face here*

oof but u h,, if u want the full smut then uhhh...hmu and i may post it ;)