Awakening of the Shadows [COMPLETE]

Fleetbase Khione

Eternity

 I would like to have said that in the chaos of preparing for the numerous strikes on the Trianguli homeworld, I had been able to escape my thoughts of Eldernova.

I should be so lucky.

Unfortunately, the obsession didn't go away. As the minutes turned to hours, it was becoming harder and harder to ignore what had happened on the bridge of the Supernova between us. My words still haunted me, as I'm sure they did him; piercing and angry. I still felt bad about calling him 'Human' as if it was something to be ashamed of. It made me feel... unclean, almost. Using Human as a derisive term felt like something that Sikhet or Indirk would do, and that wasn't me. I hadn't meant to explode on him the way that I had, but...

No one had spoken that name to me in so long. A century and a half had gone by since my sister had drowned in methane. And even though I'd told him that he could use it, I suspected that I would've had a... less furious, but similar (Likely more sad) reaction to the use of the term even if we'd been alone together. Multiple times I attempted to work up the courage required to visit Eldernova to check on his well-being, but each time I was defeated by my emotions, who were ardent about my staying put. Additionally, something told me that in his current emotional state, he wouldn't appreciate the gesture very much.

And so, finally, after about five hours and when the anxiety grew too massive for me to bear, I closed my Screen (On which I'd been studying a map of the Hive that Rynn had given me) and turned to face Arcturus. "Director, can I ask you a favor?"

Arcturus closed his own screen and swiveled to face me in kind. "Name it," he said amicably.

"Would you... mind checking in on Eldernova?" I asked, somewhat embarrassed that I'd had to ask someone else to do it, but my emotions were like a wall of Nemesine - unflinching, uncaring, impenetrable. "Just... see if he's okay. And... tell him I said hello." I hastily added that last request in, for I knew that momentarily I would lose the courage to ask him that final question.

Arcturus nodded slowly, his gaze questioning, but clearly understanding that I in no way wanted him to ask why. "Sure," he said, giving me a brief smile. He stood up, walked around the curve of the steps that surrounded the Shipmind seats, and walked out the doors.

What followed was the longest five minutes of my life.

Finally, Arcturus returned and sat back down before reporting. "He seemed... well... his hair was disheveled, for one thing. For another, his eyes were red - he might've been crying -" -this immediately felt like a punch to the throat- "-and he generally seemed like someone had ripped out his soul, crushed it underfoot, and then kicked it for good measure."

"So... not great," I said weakly.

Arcturus smirked. "You could say that," he said. "Anyway, he was kind of sniffly and really sullen. Despondent, even. I basically just dropped off a bag full of gear he'll need for the Hive, told him you said hello - oh, by the way, that seemed to make him perk up a little bit more - and left."

"Thanks," I said.

"It wasn't really that hard," said Arcturus. "And besides, you're my captain. It was no problem."

"Arcturus?" I said.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks anyway."

"You're welcome," Arcturus said.

His description of Eldernova's state had only made me feel worse than I previously had. I wanted - so badly wanted - to stop by his room, to talk to him; maybe to apologize. But another part of me wanted him to apologize, and that was the part that I was ashamed of; the part that I was afraid of the possibility of coming to the surface while I was in there. And so, despite everything, I still didn't visit him.