Depression Session

1-20-19

~I'm Going To Bed Early Each Night.~

I use to never sleep. Putting it off as long as I could to savor the mellow night and the coolness of its soft edges; the way the air feels like crystals only after the sun has laid way for the moon to take seat in her home. I use stay awake until the birds started chirping and the morning light started to turn the sky blue once again.

4:00-6:00am

Then of course I had to go to bed earlier because of responsibilities waking me in the morning and expecting me to be functional and alert. Still, I pushed it until I knew I'd need at least one cup of coffee first thing upon waking up.

1:00-3:00am

Then I took on even more and started to actually care about these said responsibilities and how I performed/gained from them. I also started to take care of myself more in the terms of health, though I still treasured every breath of crisp air under the stars.

10:00pm-12:00am

But then I... I don't even know. I started my spiral again. Stopped caring, staying up late and sleeping in the morning with no care, no motivation.

1:00-300am

Then I plummeted and grew so tired, so restless, so strained, that I only found peace and escape from it during sleep, so sleep I did.

9:00-10:00pm

And then I began tiring of company and the energy being around other consumed from my already depleting supplies, and I found myself retiring even earlier, just so that I could be in silence and numb myself from the aching inside me chest. The emptiness of my room and the vast shadows are so soft to my ears and against me skin, relief to my eyes.

8:00-9:00pm

Now... now I just shut the door and sink into the darkness of my room, it's so soft, so gentle, so quiet. My entire chest throbs, my throat aches, my mind feels like it's over heating like an overused device. I just want to sleep to excape this listless, endless boredom that have envelop my entire being. I'm just so tired, so numb. Let me rest all night and sleep away the morning.

7:00-8:00pm

The night is still my favorite. So perfect. I love it. Goodnight.
🖤⭐️❣️🌙🖤✨❣️