When You Realize You've Become 'That Mom'...and What Comes Next

17

With trembling hands, I pressed the accept call button. "Hello?" I said in the form of a question.

"You called?" Debra spoke on the other end of the line. Tensions rose. 

"Where are you?" I tried to keep the tremble out of my voice but I was angry and afraid and both emotions were clearly visible in each word that I uttered.

"I went out with some friends," she responded, I could hear the slur in her words.

"Have you been drinking?" I asked in an accusatory tone.

"Yeah, I've been drinking, just a few beers. What's the big deal? I am a grown woman. If I want to drink some beers with my friends that's MY business," she spat.

Rage was building inside of me and my hands were trembling uncontrollably now. I was losing my cool.

"How many have you had?"

"I don't know, maybe 15 beers. What the fuck Cathy, you are acting like a real bitch right now. I am 62 years old, if I want to have a few beers with some friends I am going to," her words left no room for argument and my rage was beginning to boil over. Charlie noticed and was trying to get my attention.

"Where are you? I am coming to get Chris," I spat not caring how poorly my words had come across to her. 

"What is your problem, Cathy? I have been taking good care of Chris. He is here, with me and some friends at the beach. When I am done here I will drop him off at your place. You need to chill out. I don't like the way you are acting right now," 

"You don't like the way I am acting right now?!" my tone elevated. I was so past rage that I wasn't seeing clearly. I only saw red. Charlie gently takes the phone from my hand. 

"Hey Debra," he spoke casually as he attempted to diffuse the situation.

"What's up, Charlie?" she asked.

"Where are you? I'm going to come to get Chris. It's past his bedtime and I want to make sure he gets his bath in" he again, spoke in a calm tone. I looked at him and the man never looked as sexy as he did right at that moment. 

I could hear her on the other end talking to one of her 'friends'. 

"Alright," she replied and gave him the address.

"Great, I'm on my way, thank you Debra!" he made his voice sound joyful and happy. I was envious at his ability to do that. I didn't possess that skill. If I was angry, everyone knew it. Right now, I was past angry and so far past rage I couldn't believe I wasn't destroying the world. I was in uncharted territory. 

"Why did you do that?" I asked him pouring hatred into my words.

"She has our son. I needed to keep things from escalating. We can worry about dealing with her AFTER we have him. For now. I need to go get him. You are too upset. Stay here and wait for me. I'll call you when I have him," He spoke calmly but with authority in his voice. He left no room for argument but I was angry.

"I want to go and beat that bitch down for taking him!" I screamed. As a fresh layer of tears streamed down my face I knew he was right.

"See? Stay here...please, I promise I will bring him back home," he spoke this slowly as he held my trembling shoulders between his massive hands. It soothed my rage just a little. 

I nodded agreement and with that, he quickly turned and I could hear the sound of the front door open and close behind him.

My thoughts quickly return to Chris, out there, in the dark, in the cold, at the beach with someone who clearly lacked the capacity to care for him properly. Had he even eaten? Did she bother to put sunscreen on him? Would I find him covered in sunburn? What if he walked over to the ocean bed and got swept away? How long before she noticed he was gone? What if...? What if...?

As the thoughts raced through my mind I found myself curled up in a ball on the ground. Charlie was gone, heading over to that beach to retrieve our son. Would he make it in time? Panic and fear so intense gripped my chest and I couldn't breathe. 

What if...? So many thoughts raced through my mind. Thoughts that would scare anyone, thoughts that shook me to my core. If something happened to him I would never be able to forgive myself. I would never be able to...

'Breath, Cathy,' I told myself in my mind. I had to focus my breathing or I wouldn't be able to make it. I had to trust Charlie. I had to trust that he knew how to handle this and that he would make sure Chris got home safely. Trusting was such a hard thing to do. 

I didn't even know what that looked like. How do you know how to trust when you have never seen in or experienced it? How do you place your faith in someone when everyone you have ever known has betrayed that faith? 

The clock was so cruel because the hands kept moving even though he still wasn't home. I hadn't moved from that spot on the ground. Curled up into a ball our dog Cody came by and laid his head on my side. He didn't do anything else. 

It was oddly comforting and slowly my breathing returned to normal. This troublesome beast of a dog that never listened and did whatever he wanted opted to sit here in perfect silence while I found some semblance of inner peace.

My Alaskan Malamute, who loved to do his own thing was offering me something I couldn't find on my own. He offered me a silent comfort and while the clock still betrayed me, I found myself stroking his fur. The gentle strokes soothed my fear and calmed my soul.

Faith and trust grew and soon I found myself believing that they would both return to me. Charlie would come home. I had to believe it. I had to believe. The phone rang.

"Hello," I said softly almost like a whisper.

"Hey babe, I got Chris, we are on our way back. Listen, I know this isn't the right time but I don't want him to stay with her anymore. You need to find someone else,"

"I know," was all I could muster.

"I know you know, I just had to say it. I didn't like what I saw but for the sake of our son, I had to keep the peace. I have him now so there is no longer a reason to communicate with that woman," his tone was harsher now. The weight of the events so clear in his voice that I knew he had felt the strain of the evening as well.

"OK, I will start looking for someone else tomorrow. Please come home soon," I pleaded.

"I will," he said and with that our call ended.

When they walked through the door, Chris was in his arms, fast asleep. I wanted to reach out and grab him. I wanted to tear him from his arms. Cody raced across the room and started to jump on Charlie. Stupid dog.

Charlie almost lost his balance and I took that opportunity to leap forward and wrapped my arms around Chris. 

"I'll take him to bed," I said as I began to slightly tug at him.

"OK," was all Charlie said as he slowly released his hold. Once I had Chris in my arms Charlie bent down and rubbed Cody's head. It was sweet how gentle and kind he was to the dog.

I turned away from them both and headed upstair. He was home, my baby boy was home and safe and even though he was slightly burned and his lips were dry I knew he would recover from today. His father was a hero. I rested him on my stomach and laid down in the bed. 

Sleep found me quickly. They were home. I would never make this mistake again. No one can be trusted. 

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Author's Note: Thank you for your patience with this scene. I am super glad that Chris was alright. That was one terrible sitter. What do you think?