Until you came (Zarry) /English Version

20. Feelings

Harry

We're sitting in a bar in the dim light on the other side of town. It's the first time we've sit together in public. In front of us are two full glasses of beer. Zayn's skin shimmers golden in the soft lights of the small lamps in every window.

"What do you think, Harry?"

I hear him ask. For a moment I was absent.

"What are you saying?"

He briefly puts his hand on mine and runs his thumb over my fingers.

"What are you thinking?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"I have something to confess to you," he says.

My eyes look at him expectantly and my body starts to tingle. What does Zayn want to confess to me? The tingling becomes more intense. It's the fear that we will broke up again. My hands are sweaty and I wipe the palms on my jeans.

"Harry, I've never had such feelings for a man. If you know what I mean."

He laughs embarrassed.

"So far I have only desired and loved my wife. But now..."

Is Zayn trying to tell me he loves me? Did I just hear what I think I heard?, I think. My heart starts beating so fast I almost can't breathe. He lowers his eyelids and I want to kiss every single one of his long eyelashes. They are so incredibly beautiful. He is so incredibly beautiful.

"Zayn, look at me," I say gently.

He's looking up. The golden eyes look at me and I feel the butterflies in my stomach again.

"What do you want to tell me? Zayn coughs embarrassed, his cheeks are reddened.

"I think I'm falling for you, Styles."

Its puts a smile on my face.

"You are addicted to me? Well, I've often heard that, Malik," I flirt.

There is a touch of disappointment in his face. He's shaking his head a little.

"What?" I ask.

"You don't understand, Harry."

"I understand this very well. You're crazy about me." I smile.

His body leans against the back of the chair.

"You don't understand what I was trying to say. Never mind".

The waitress comes and brings each of us another beer. I'd like to continue the conversation, but Zayn changing the subject. Now I regret having interrupted him with my silly comment.

"Do you know who called me this morning?"

His hands cover the glass. I shake my head.

"Guess," he says.

"Mmhh...who could it be? I don't know any of your costumers. I don't know you at all. What do we really know about each other?" I answer.

"Your publisher," he means dryly.

It's like a punch in the gut. Louis called Zayn? Louis is serious about Zayn. I try to keep my composure.

"Oh, does he want to be your model?"

I try to be as calm as possible. Zayns answer is uncommunicative.

"Yes."

The mood is tense.

"And when do you start painting him?"

"I don't know if I even want to paint Louis."

I don't understand that now. He was quite eager to get him as a model and now he doesn't want to draw him anymore? Zayn must have read my mind.

"You know, I don't think that painting is important to your friend."

He's embarrassed and looks at me insecure. Zayn doesn't want to ruin what is between us.

"What do you mean exactly?"

Now he takes my hands and plays nervously with my fingers. His eyes are on my eyes.

"Come on, Harry. Don't be so naive."

I begin to realize what he wants to tell me.

"You mean... you're saying that ..."

I just can't get the words out. I'm jealous. Damn yes, I'm jealous. Zayn means everything to me, even though I don't know anything about him. I know that he is a painter, married to Gigi and lives next door to us. Is that enough to love someone? I love him. I'm in love like I haven't been in a long time. It's crazy, but the truth.

"Louis tried to seduce me, Harry," he replies.

Suddenly I feel a lump in my throat.

"Does that mean you saw each other?" I whisper.

"Yes, he was the one I met this morning."

The strange scent, I remember. When I put my head against his chest in the kitchen, I smelled a scent that didn't belong to him. Louis. Zayn smelled like Louis. I hastily take the glass and drink it almost in one gulp. I don't need any details, I know Tommo too well. He won't let go. My voice is husky.

"Was he able to seduce you?"

Zayns eyes flicker, his movements become restless. My gaze rests on him.

"He was, as I see."

My time with Zayn is up. I want to leave before I burst into tears. How dare he. As I rise, he reaches for my arm.

"Sit down, Harry."

"I want to go."

His hand pushes me back to my place.

"Why do you always run away when I want to explain something to you?" he asks.

"You don't have to explain anything to me. You can do whatever you want," I growl.

"Harry! Listen to me for once! Louis kissed me and his hands were all over my body."

Now my eyes are tearing up. I don't want to cry in front of him.

"Zayn, stop it. I don't want to hear it. He is my fucking publisher. I have to work with him and you fuck him? Great! Wonderful!"

Zayn harshly shakes his head. His raven hair bobbing up and down.

"No! Listen to me, Harry! I didn't return his feelings, you know? I didn't kiss him back. Just so you know, the feeling's not mutual. I don't want him. Everything I want is sitting right in front of me and crying like a little kid!"

His gaze is soft, full of warmth. For the first time I see real feeling in his eyes, not just lust and sarcasm. The gold is a single shade darker - it's warm. He's serious. This time it's not a game.

"That's exactly what I tried to explain to you earlier, Harry. I want you!"

He's leaning over the table. His face is right in front of me and then he kisses me. He gently kisses me in public. My lips are dry from crying. His tongue moistening them.

"I want you, babe, and only you," he whispers to me.

"You are my inspiration. You fill my dreariness. You are the most beautiful creature that I've ever seen."

My heart was filling up with his affection. I am overwhelmed by his words.

"Wow, Malik. Now I'm speechless," I breathe.

Our hands lie in each other and hold on tight.

"I am as speechless as you are. I'm on fire and I have feelings for you," he says.

I nod.

"We have to be careful, Harry. Your friend Louis got suspicious when I turned him down."

"He won't give up, Zayn," I answer quietly.