All I Ever Knew Was Your Name [Nick Robinson]

FIFTEEN

Instead of saying anything else, he slowly backs up and turns around, moving out of my bedroom. He's suddenly gone, and I feel terribly lonesome.

A tear falls down my face, and I know there are more to come. I know I'm going to cry like I haven't in a long time. I know it's going to hurt my head and my chest and my eyes are going to burn endlessly.

Regardless, I push through the numbness in my legs and follow after Nick, hopeful that I can catch him before he goes back home.

"Nick," I say loudly enough for him to hear from halfway down the stairway, but still quiet enough to match the dullness of the situation.

He looks over his shoulder at me, his gaze falling once he sees me about to fall apart beneath the dim yellow light of the hallway. It's a humbling feeling to cry over someone you've known for such a short time, but it verifies exactly what I'm feeling for my neighbor. It verifies it all.

I watch as he turns to me and walks to the top of the stairs, allowing a foot's distance between us. My cheeks are wet from the few tears that couldn't hide any longer, and I know he sees them.

"If you want to be alone, fine," I murmur. "But please don't go home. Go to the aquarium or Owen's or stay here; just please don't go home."

He blinks slowly, but doesn't question my words. It's more verification to me when I see him nod, and then I know for sure.

It's happening at home. I've been right this whole time. I don't bother asking if I'm right in thinking that his dad is the one doing this, because I'm certain now. He's clarified it all with just s simple nod.

I don't even think about my words before I say them. I simply say them, and I don't care how they come off. They're sincere.

"Stay here," I breathe out, the tears falling down my cheeks more than clear now.

Again, he nods. He looks so completely saturated with concern for me as if I'm the one who is hurt. His eyes are so sad that I could cry even harder.

"Mary," he exhales, unsure of what else to say to me. He's so scared, and I want to help. I just don't know what to do other than feel sorry for him. "Don't cry, okay? Please don't."

I look down, feeling the tightness in my chest only get worse. Even as I cried, the knot wouldn't go away. I don't know that it would for a while.

Without warning, I feel Nick's arms move around my waist only to pull me into him so closely. I'm so busy crying into his shirt that I don't have a chance to swoon over the closeness. It means everything to me, but in a different way this time. I know he needs this more than I do.

"Don't cry over me, Mary," he mumbles into my hair, resting his chin on my head afterwards. "I'm okay."

"You're not," I clutch the fabric of his T-shirt in my trembling palms. "You're not okay. How many times has this happened since you lived here, Nick? How many times did it happen right next to me, and I didn't do a single thing to help you? How come I didn't notice?"

"No," he pulls away enough to look at me. He's still holding me, and I wish he'd never let go. He's safe with me. "Don't you dare say that. Don't do that."

I shake my head, feeling us depart little by little as the moments progressed until we're quickly two separate entities again. I hate it. "Can you blame me? Your fucking dad has been hurting you less than three hundred feet away from me all this time! And I was too goddamn ignorant to notice it!"

"Please stop. Please stop saying shit like that," he pleads. "You didn't know. It's not your fault."

"I know it's not my fault, but why didn't I just—" I stop, shaking my head. The realization of my sentence hits me hard before it even leaves my lips. "Why didn't I just pay attention?"

His eyes slowly close for a moment before reopening into mine. As sad as he is, he is still so breathtaking. "You couldn't have known."

"Yes, but I should have."

"How should you have?"

"I don't know!" I stomp my foot, aggravation saturated in my voice. "I don't know. I just wish I would have."

He steps towards me, closing the space between us once again. We don't touch, but we're very close to it. "You can't save me, Mary. Don't think you ever could have. You'll drive yourself crazy."

I don't say anything. My eyes burn horribly as I look up at him, feeling as if I could fall apart into a million pieces at any given second. I wish he'd prevent that from happening, but I have a feeling his hands are full with his own brokenness.

His eyes search mine for something. He looks like he's about to cry— not because I discovered one of the most horrific things in his life, but because he's sorry that I found out at all. He knows this will haunt me for a long time, if not forever, and there's nothing he can do to stop it. The control has been lost, and it's just something else he can add to the list.

"You can't save me," he murmurs softly, his eyes falling to my lips.

I shake my head, feeling us only get closer. My gaze is on his lips now too, and I re-examine them. The softness they hold intrigues me, and I want nothing more. For some reason, I'm hopeful it will help him. "I wish I could."

"I wish you could, too," he nearly whispers. "If I could be, I wouldn't want it to be anyone else," his eyes softly close.

Mine follow, and I swear I can taste his lips before they're even on mine. It's a taste I never want to forget. I'm greedy before I even know it.

And then it happens.

My heart races, my body trembles, and im seeing stars behind my eyes once I finally feel the warmth of Nick's lips against my own. It's so soft and hesitant and gentle, but it's beautiful. It's him.

Our hands stay at our sides. We're so lost in each other from one simple kiss that we're nearly paralyzed. It feels like everything has stopped around us, time included, and this moment is forever ours for as long as we want it to be. No one can hurt us. No one can hurt him. He's safe with me.

He's safe with me.

We part as quickly as the kiss happens, and my heart sinks to my feet from the separation. My eyes open into his, hopeful we can keep going. I want to protect him. I don't want him as much as two inches away from me at this moment.

"Nick," I nearly choke out. I'm nearly trembling from our lack of closeness, even though we're just about as close as two people can be without actually touching.

His hands slide up to my face only to pull my lips into his this time. It's harsher, but nothing short of amazing. This one has me holding onto him, for it almost knocks me off of my feet.

His lips. Oh my god, his lips. They're even softer than I could have imagined. They're meant to be with mine, and I know it. It's cliché. Its so fucking cliché, but I've never felt something so deeply in my heart before.

All the while, his thumbs move back and forth on my cheeks to rid the many tears that have appeared in the previous moments. It's so beautiful and genuine. I can't believe I've waited for him for as long as I have.

Our mouths move together so fluently. His tongue isn't shy when it meets mine, deepening our kiss immediately. The soft, breathy moans escaping our throats create one of the most incredible harmonies I've ever heard.

I could listen to it forever.

Before I know it, I'm backing up and pulling him with me to my bedroom, keeping our lips together in the process. Once I kick the door shut, my back is against it tightly with Nick's upper half pressed into my own. As we kiss and explore each other's mouths, my trembling hand searches for the doorknob so I can lock it.

"I want you," I subconsciously mumble into his lips. "I really, really want you."

I don't even realize I say it until he releases a throaty growl into me and his desperation for me only increases. His hands fall to my waist, nearly covering it in its entirety as he grips onto me tightly.

I can't stop. I don't want to stop. I want him to stay with me, holding me, touching me, kissing me. He can't get hurt if he's with me. I can take care of him. I know I can.

I have to.

a/n: :)???? :((??? that is all I have to say